Everyday Pain

8. Silence and silhouettes.

It was dark and all my ears could hear were faint little beeps of some kind of toy robot. My right arm, just above my elbow felt as if it was being pressured by huge boulders that made it sore while the rest of my body was completely numb- any further pressure would've made my arm burst, I was rather sure. My head felt like it carried a heavy metal sphere that would roll towards whichever side I'd tilt it towards. Tilting my head towards the right would be as if the metal ball had come into contact with an open wound that seeped with blood and stung with slashes made by a dagger. My left leg felt dead to me but palpitated with agony. I was terrified of the place I was at with unfamiliar sounds, uncanny torment, and the pungent whiff of God knows which drug. But something started making the dark fade, bringing in light as if it were to be a ray of nothing but life. Life, hope, joy, all wrapped into a bundle of light.

Colours poured into my gaze but nothing was yet clear. I could still see the mesmerising light bestow into my sight as if an angel was coming my way to kiss the hurt away. I kept still and tried hard to focus and make sense of what I was looking at when a familiar face began to come into shape. The face looked like a long lost beloved or a fairy from the Heavens that we all read about in our childhood. No, this was a face I had well known. A face I had held with my own two hands. A face I had recalled whenever life felt unfair. A face I worshipped to be the finest creation of the Universe.  A face that was capable of making anyone forget every heartbreak nature had offered and brought smiles to them within a blink of an eye. A face I had kissed but it was some distant memory. "Jessica?" My lips sounded a whisper while my eyes tried hard to open wide but failed to focus on anything at all. "His blood pressure is just a tad too high, and he's coming into conscience too." I heard a voice say through the haze but I was still unsure of what exactly was going on. All I wanted was to place the same long lost face onto my beating heart and embrace the figure, never ever to let go of. For the same face to breathe against every bruise to soothe every burn.

Jessica:

"Oh God, no!" I couldn't believe what my eyes were witnessing. The same upbeat teen I saw playing basketball at the Alley Park and the same guy I was sharing sandwiches with under willow trees, had a head wounded and splattered with blood. His leg lifted while doctors wrapped a cast around it, eyes sore and struggling to see past the anesthesia running through his blood, my eyes teared seeing such distress. My guts wrenched knowing that the helplessly injured body was none other than the person my heart had the deepest roots for. I felt nauseated and my head started spinning. Seeing such a feeble soul at this level of hurt made me both queasy and melancholy.

I was quick to find a place to sit before my legs would fail me. I wasn't sure if he'd even want to see me after ages of silence. I was embarrassed to even show my face to him, I just couldn't have faced him. I thought it would ought to be better if I left before he was awake. Shuffling through my back pack, I started looking for my cell. Since me and Brad had stopped talking, I would barely even look at my screen anymore. The only reason I'd check it often before was so I wouldn't miss a single text he'd send me- back when life revolved around him only. I'd still think of him every hour of the day at every step of the way, but I started getting used to believing this wasn't for me. Love wasn't for me. He wasn't for me.

I didn't stop caring though. I texted him once to check if he was doing okay. Our conversation wasn't really much. It was pretty awkward and both of us knew we were holding back so may words. He didn't contact me on his own ever, which would make me feel pretty upset. But I guess it was just as hard for him to speak to me, like nothing ever happened, as it was for me. Sigh, we were trapped in a web I had spun and I regretted the trouble I had put us into. Thinking led me to believe I was doing no wrong but at the same time everything felt so messed up. God's mercy was all I could ask for.

Once I found my phone, I thought of ringing Brad's mother- she was dreaded last night and Chloe informed me of the accident after the ambulance had taken Bradley away. I told Chloe to take her home and that I'd stay with him till he got his cast on and his forehead stitched. I had seen Brad peek and squint towards the window where I was standing which meant he was waking up after all and that I had to leave as soon as I could. But I couldn't have just left him alone so I asked his mother to arrive at the hospital, saying I had to attend a very important family dinner. I had an exam the next day but there was no way I could've stayed home prepping for it when I knew my existence there with him was obligatory.

"Miss White, here's a prescription of the pain killers Bradley will have to take and a few ointments have been listed too for his stitches. His dosage has been clearly mentioned and his next appointment is due after 20 days, to remove the stitches." The doctor handed me over a half folded piece of paper from her wide pocket and held her phone which went off in between. The ringtone was some kind of single by a jazz band from the 80s- said a lot about her but to be honest, I cringed. She had short red hair curled into a bun with the cutest freckles on her face and the kindest smile I had seen in quite a long time. She looked a little too young to be a doctor but maybe healthy skin was just a part of her amazing genes. I clearly envied that. "Thank you, doctor. Won't you get that?" I signed towards her phone which looked like she wasn't noticing ringing at all. Snapping her fingers, she continued "Oops, Sorry! Yes, I will. You may meet Mr Davis, he's still snoozing though!"

Brad:

The light was short lived and after struggling to observe properly, a face I hadn't ever seen before was right in front of mine with the biggest and humblest smile I had ever seen. Though I wasn't in my five senses, my sixth told me, she was a doctor. "But what was a doctor doing all up in my face?" Puzzled, I questioned myself still looking at her and I was eventually creeped out. The dark kept coming back, Oh God, I was fading again. "No! I don't want to go back, help me!" Was all I could think of but "No!" was all my lips could evoke. "Seems like he's fallen asleep, must be restless. Poor lad." What? Where was this voice coming from? It's dark here, who's out there? This was everything I said to myself in my own head. Appeared to be that I was in fact 'lucid dreaming'. It was so... weird. I could hear and feel everything in my surrounding, but I couldn't wake up!

"Who's sobbing beside me? Mum? Is that you? Why are you crying?" Argh, she couldn't hear me. I felt my right hand being cradled and warmed. The warmth was ever so familiar. I could feel their nails, long but smooth between my fingers, and a palm of their other hand beneath mine. I wasn't scared anymore of the dark I was in. For a moment, pain was long forgotten and I was completely calm. A trembling voice whispered, "Your breath, finally." My... breath? Oh, I didn't realise how my breathe went from fast and terrified to calm and smooth. But who was she? Silly me, of course. I tried hard this time to actually say something that could've been heard by anyone else around me rather than just my own soul, "Jessica." They let go, withdrawn into sullen silence. The warmth perished, agony urged back but this time with an additional ache- heart ache. "Please, I need you." I'm not sure whether I was able to say this out loud or if I just whispered it to myself since I couldn't hear or feel anyone besides me anymore. Wasn't long after that I had felt my eyes to be absurdly moist.

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