Let's Be Friends

1:

      I breathed silently, afraid to be too loud otherwise I'd miss the sound of my feet crunching on the fallen leaves and the frost on the sidewalk. My breath clouded up my glasses and the air around me. Fall is such a lovely time. I hate summer. Summer is miserable hot, so hot you have to wear shorts even though you don't like showing off your legs and you sweat like a pig even just sitting down. No, fall is cold and wonderful, almost like it was meant to be that way so you can stay bundled up beneath scarves and sweaters but it isn't miserable cold. Miserable cold is the weather that you have to wear those ugly, brightly, colored puffy jackets that make your arms stick out. So no, fall isn't miserable cold or  miserable hot. It's perfect.

      But maybe that's just me.

      I was halfway to school when I heard her footsteps behind me. She was running, I could tell from her breathing (she was almost gasping) and because her feet pounded against the concrete and autumn leaves to get to me.

      "Luke! " She panted, grabbing me around the stomach and squeezing me.

      "Hey Kaya." I wheezed.

      "You didn't stop when you heard me coming!" Kaya pouted, looking indignant and ridiculous as per usual.

      I shrugged and readjusted my scarf,"Didn't know it was you."

      "Liar." She punched me in the shoulder and the two of us kept walking. She and I kept quiet for a while until I heard her say,"Why ya always so quiet in autumn. Usually you won't shut up." She grinned, waiting for me to get upset at her.

      Instead, I rolled my eyes at her,"You mistake me for a mirror." I paused, chewing on my fingernail. 'And anyways, it's because I like how fall sounds."

     "How fall sounds?" She snorted like I was crazy. 'She's still itching for an argument.' I thought, and perhaps it was because she was unsatisfied with my last response and how nonchalant it was.

      "Yes Kaya, how it sounds."

      I refused to give her the satisfaction of seeing me get upset in any way. Friends can be such a pain.

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      It was only second period and already I didn't care. I was thinking about other things. Like how my mom and dad were thinking about having another kid. It was just me so far and they were about to get a bit too old to try for another so I guess they figured they'd better do it soon.

      I guess I should be happy for them. Or something. They've been fighting a lot so I guess this is their way of making up. Fighting like, for the last four years. Will another screaming mess fix it? I don't think so but oh well.

      I was also thinking a lot about something that's been on my mind as of recently. The idea first popped into my head when my mom was arguing with me about my homework. I hadn't been doing it all that much towards the end of last year and it was showing in my grades. My mom had been furious and she'd said,"HONESTLY LUKAS! IT'S NOT AS THOUGH YOU HAVE FRIENDS DISTRACTING YOU FROM YOUR SCHOOLWORK! " 

      She had said a lot of things to me. And most of them stung pretty bad but that one especially. Even if she did apologize afterwards. I didn't have many friends. I hadn't really wanted them. Well, that was a lie. I was just, ugh, what's the word.... Too shy, too awkward, too weird, too different. 

      So long story short, I didn't, and still don't, have many friends. But this year I promised myself I'd get some. 

      (Also, I know what you're thinking and no. Kaya doesn't count. She's more like, hmm.... An annoying little sister kind of friend. Not a friend kind of friend.)

      As I pondered the prospect of me gaining a friend  today, I began to scan the classroom. Looking at people. Sizing them up, thinking,'What about you? Are you friend material?' And then, my shyness getting in the way, thinking,'Would you even want to be friends with me?'

      My gaze settled on a boy seated across the room, by the window. I'd seen him before (I mean we're in the same second period class, duh), but I don't think I ever really payed any attention to him. 

      I was busy considering my chances at befriending him. I noticed that he was staring off into space. 'He's a daydreamer,' I thought,'Perfect!' I also noticed his hand right hand twitched a little and he shook his legs beneath the desk. So I came to the conclusion he must have a nervous twitch, or maybe he just liked to fidget. Maybe he had ADHD or something-

      "Mr.Becker?"

      I looked up and came face to face with none other than my teacher. "Oh, Mr- yessir what do you need?" I tried not to look at my desk, tried to keep a challenging look in my eyes, but failed and looked downwards.

      "Mr.Becker can you tell me what Heisenburg's theory was and why it was so important to advancing our knowledge on quantum mechanics?"

      My face went red. Honestly, even if I don't do my homework much, I hardly never  zone out in class. "I- uh. Heisenburg's theory.... It was...." I racked my brain for any knowledge of Heisenburg. "Well sir, he uh- he was a Nazi?" 

      Yes I actually said that out loud. To my teacher. In front of the whole class.

       "Well, Mr.Becker, while it is indeed true that Heisenburg eventually joined the Nazi's and began to work in their nuclear weapons program- that is not the answer at all." Kids were laughing and I saw the boy across the room look up, slipping out of his daze momentarily. 

      He caught my eyes and looked like he maybe felt sorry for me, or maybe he was just feeling nervous because he knew Mr.Chase could have picked on him too. I never found out, or cared, I just looked back down to my hands folded in my lap and winced at the spectacular mess of my faliure.

      That boy, I was pretty sure his name started with an F.