Let's Be Friends

2:

      I was walking home from school with Kaya hot on my trail, thinking about the whole friend situation. Or perhaps I should say friendless situation, since that's the problem. 

      "Just once, it would be nice of you to wait for me!" She said, mock angry.

      I breathed in and then sighed rather dramatically,"Maybe I want to be left alone, ever think of that?" 

      Kaya paused,"Nope." She grinned and punched my shoulder.

      "Why must you abuse me so?" I rubbed my shoulder as though she had gravely wounded me. I saw her smile and she punched me again.

      "Well maybe if you waited for me I wouldn't!"

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      By the time I got home I was tired. I unlocked the front door with my key and called out,"Mom, dad? You home?" 

      No reply. Good. I kicked off my shoes and went into the kitchen and rooted around for a snack for a while. I finally decided on a juice box (honestly why does my mom still buy me those things?) and a box of crackers. I sliced myself some cheese and gathered fruit and then retreated to my room to consume my sumptuous bounty in solitude. 

      My room is kind of small. My whole house is really. It gives an illusion of being big because there's three floors, but really, it's super tiny. I plopped down on my bed and threw my backpack on the floor, setting my food onto my bedside table. 

      I looked around for my laptop and found it lying under a pile of what smelled like dirty laundry (surprise, it was dirty laundry). And I turned it on, browsing the Internet aimlessly for a while and devouring my snack. Honestly, it was nice. No yelling parents, no annoying Kaya, no mean Mr.Chase, and no boys with green eyes and curly brown hair who's names started with an F maybe that would never want to be my friend anyways. Just me.

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      I was standing in the shower, the running water kept me from hearing all the things my parents were yelling at each other in a blind rage. I always think that in a second, they'll regret saying what they did. But it'll be too late a second later. 

     So I take showers when they start arguing, and lucky me, it means I'm literally never  going more than a day without a shower. I'm always squeaky clean thanks to them (sarcasm noted). 

     I was still thinking about the friendless problem. 'Why does it bother you. It didn't bother you last year.' I thought. 'Because, I'm tired of listening to people argue and having no place to go. No friends to flee to.' I often do this. Have little arguments in my head. Almost like half of me is mom and half of me is dad, which makes sense considering I exist because of my dad's penis and my mom's vagina.

      Ew. Which is grosser? I don't know and I don't wanna think about it.

      I thought about that kid in my science class. The kid with an F name. He seemed the most suitable of the whole class to be my friend, but perhaps my standards were too high. He probably would think I'm weird. Or worse- rude. A lot of people interpret my humor as me just not liking them and then they don't want to be around me. 

      'I should say hi. Initiate a conversation. You don't know if you don't try.' 'No you fool! You don't know how to talk to people! You'll panic and seem stupid!' 'What's it matter? I can always just look for another friend.' 'If that's true them how come you're so interested in this one kid? Why not somebody else?'

      That stumped me. Why not somebody else? 

     I stood there, naked, covered in soap, listening to the water running. 

      'Why not somebody else?'

      "Fûck! " I swore as soap ran into my eyes and I was temporarily blindsighted to the question as I furiously tried to stop the burning and keep more soap from spilling into my sensitive eyes. 

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I was lying in bed. All dressed up, with still damp hair. The light was off. My parents weren't arguing anymore. They'd stopped an hour ago. I had the fierce urge to pee but I didn't want to get up. If I went to the bathroom, I'd pass my dad (who was sleeping on the couch) and he'd definitely want to engage in some father-son trash talking of mom. 

      I wasn't in the mood. Then again, was I ever? No. But God. I really did have to pee. 

      Finally I relented and decided to get up. I crawled out of bed, checking the clock (10:58pm), then slowly opened my door, wincing as it creaked. Man, I always forgot to WD40 the stupid thing. I listened for the sound of my dad grumbling to himself, or for the sound of the TV on. Nothing. 

      'Maybe he's upstairs with mom. Maybe they made up.' I stepped out, hopeful and as I passed the living room I found him sprawled on the couch. 'Never mind.' But at least he was asleep. It was rare for him to go to bed this early.

      After I'd finished peeing I tiptoed back to my room. I always feel like Indiana Jones or something, crawling past a slumbering beast in order to reach a sparkling jewel or old-super-cool relic. But no. I was just going past my dad, super quietly, because I was a coward, to get to my room.

      I fell asleep thinking about a lot of things. My dreams were strange and they made me feel sad but when I woke up I couldn't remember a thing about them.