Self Destruction is Such a Pretty Little Thing

I Cant Believe I'm Standing Here At All

I Cant Believe I'm Standing Here At All

3/17/14

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I thought I had myself all figured out

But I spent my whole life holding myself down

And it seems to be that sort of thing I keep doing constantly

Addicted to the pain I cause myself

My head is floating somewhere in the clouds

While I'm paid to entertain a lovely crowd

They sing my songs and feel my pain

Cause pain is what creates my fame

A vicious cycle some day I'll get out

I can't believe I'm standing here at all

I can't believe I made it this far

On my way with a smile on my face

See the top and I'm not falling off

And all I need is a microphone, I'll sing

About the things that have been hurting me

It's safe to say, all the kids, I relate

To their lives so just keep holding on

It's hard enough try walking in my shoes,

To be picked on by my peers who much abuse

And I'm tired of not fitting in true friends is my final wish

Just let me be myself and make it through.

I have tried so hard to be a better soul

I have worked so hard at making myself whole

And through it all my better years are still ahead my mind is clear

Just trust me when I say I'm in control

I can't believe I'm standing here at all

I can't believe I made it this far

On my way with a smile on my face

See the top and I'm not falling off

And all I need is a microphone, I'll sing

About the things that have been hurting me

It's safe to say, all the kids, I relate

To their lives so just keep holding on

I believe I'm just like you

I believe I'll make it through

It's hard to see at times like this

But I'm not giving in, but I'm not giving in

I believe I'm just like you

I believe I'll make it through

It's hard to see at times like this

But I'm not giving in, but I'm not giving in

And all I need is a microphone

I'll sing about the things that have been hurting me

It's safe to say, all the kids, I relate

To their lives so just keep holding on

I can't believe I'm standing here at all

I can't believe I made it this far

On my way with a smile on my face

See the top and I'm not falling off

And all I need is a microphone, I'll sing

About the things that have been hurting me

It's safe to say, all the kids, I relate

To their lives so just keep holding on

•••

That song is a recent obsession of mine. I love it a lot. I've decided t start putting the dates at the top because, well, that just makes a lot of sense.

Nothing too interesting has happened lately. Well, not really. Jess moved out the eighth and ninth. Which was two weeks ago, I guess. The house had been a little lonely. Although dads anger hasn't been too bad recently, I'm getting worried about the recipients of said anger (my mother and I). We haven't had a big explosion since before Christmas. It's been rocky but nothing like then. An explosion is well overdue. Dad is gonna start driving wreckers again so he won't be home nearly as much. (He gonna haul cars again instead mechanic-ing) I guess I'm supposed to be sad. I'm really not, so.

I went to the doctor and I might have a thyroid problem so I have to go get done blood work done on Wednesday morning. I'm so excited. Not. I fucking hate needles. Ironic I know. Especially since I want at least a billion tattoos.

I had to be at school early this morning because I had to take a quiz for Summey. I got an 85 on it so now I have a solid 61 in his class. So at lunch there's always a teacher by the door to make we don't leave or something and I look over and an administrator is just chillin in a desk attacking a piece of fried chicken smothered in hot sauce. With like a bottle of sauce sitting on front of him. Jesus Christ welcome to Hicksville, USA. Population 13. Jesus I hate this place. I hate this town it's so washed up, and all my friends don't give a fuck(ten points to you of you know the song that's from).

Drama showcase is on Thursday and I'm so not ready. Hopefully there won't be too many people. Emily is gonna be there because she's cool. Like a cucumber. Like cucumber Phil. God. This is what my life has simmered down to. Horrible jokes that don't make much sense. Jesus H. Christ.

I might be getting a new iPod for my birthday in June which I'm excited about. I doubt it though. My sweet sixteen yay. I'd have a party but who would I invite? Emily and Morgan and Josie? Fun. I picked out my class ring today. I do t know if I'll get it but I'm hoping.

It turns out both Morgan and Courtney are going to the fall out boy concert that Emily and I are going to so maybe I'll see them there. Emily is reading this now so I guess I'll have to be nice now. Seriously though Emily is really cool and bubbly and reminds me of myself sometimes. (She hate paramore, love fall out boy, and is all around a kick ass person)

Speaking if drama showcase I get to shoot Mikala thrice. Mwahahaha. I think that's about it, unless someone wants to tell me how to do right triangle trigonometry?

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Keep Holding On- Falling In Reverse