Exposed

80. Cant change

There is something about

Loving your mother

How no matter

How much you take advantage

And how fast you want to

Grow up and leave

Your mother is there

And either high up

Or deep down

Your love for her shows.

And then theres my mother.

No matter how hard i try

To see the good

To see the effort

Through her pain and drama

I cant seem to find

That kind of love

The love you should hold

For your mother

The love you should want

But i dont have that

Or want it.

Its very hard

When i know

Its not your fault

Its not who you really are

Or were

But its all i see and remember

And i cant change anything

Without you wanting to.

So here i am

Dreaming and hoping

For my future

Thinking about

Who im going to be

Who i will become

And what kind of mother

I want to be,

And i fear

My children ever feeling

This way towards me.

After loving them

Since the day they arrive

And much before that,

For them to feel

Nothing

Nothing towards their mom,

Its a mothers worst nightmare

And it pains me

That you cant see

How it all could change

If you could see it.

But you cant.