Pseudonym

Celene, Daniel and some High School Memoirs

Chapter 5: Celene, Daniel and some High School Memoirs

His 'first love', despite his not believing in love, was Celene. I have already forgotten what her last name was.

She was, as I recall, a petite, slim girl. Like a fairy. Quite fair and with short hair and an irresistible smile. She had a couple of boyfriends during high school.

She almost became one of my friends in high school, except that I couldn't stomach the change from fairy to unwilling temptress in her. Celene changed in the summer between second year and third year, and after that, I stopped greeting her whenever we'd meet each other in the corridors. I stopped telling her anything about me except to talk about the books, movies and music we both liked.

Leon strongly believed that he was undeserving of any love whatsoever. He would tell me, back in second year, of the magnitude of his feelings for Celene, how below her notice he really was, and how he missed being her classmate and friend. I patiently heard him out, contradicting his repetitions and variations of the theme "I am worthless. Celene will never like me, yet I am too cowardly to see if what I believe in is true." I told him to remain friends with her, at least, since it was better than nothing. "After all, weren't you friends first before you liked her? That's what should dominate."

Maybe I was only really talking to myself, telling myself that it was alright to like Leon, that it was alright if he didn't like me.

Whatever the case, I never got jealous of Celene. Not in first year, when she was more of a boy magnet than our angelic-looking muse. Not during the first few weeks, when she and Leon were practically inseparable.

Okay, I take that last statement back. The truth is, I was incredibly jealous of her during that time when I was only getting used to boys and everything you don't see in an exclusive girls' school. I wanted him to notice me the way he noticed Celene. I wanted to get to know him better. But I didn't want to do all the work by myself.

Eventually my puppy-love crush on Leon came to an end and I focused more on my schoolwork, my female friends (the closest of whom were not my classmates), and my better-looking, smarter, more talented crushes.

Second year was the best year of all the four years of high school, at least for me. It was the combination of brilliant, kind teachers, the end of the adjustment period (first year) without the stress of too much schoolwork (third year) or the good-bye (fourth year). It was being classmates with the group of people who eventually became my on again, off again big group of friends. It was hanging out with my closest friends early in the morning, during break times, and dismissal. It was being on good terms with basically everyone, and it was the year that I was closest to Leon.

Carlo once told me that second year was the best year for him as well. The only thing lacking, he said, was me.

How many girls are lucky enough to get married to men like Carlo?

Second year was the year Daniel, Leon's close friend, confessed his 'love' for me. I strongly wish he hadn't done such a thing, despite my belief that one should not let such words go unspoken, for who knows what could happen to you or the person you love? Ignorance would have been a blessing when it came to Daniel's liking for me.

Why? One, he was my friend. Two, I liked Leon, his closest friend—for a few weeks in first year, and for more than a year later in high school. Three, the most unattractive, unhygienic boy in our batch liking one of the members of the star section, was funny. Especially if the girl has not yet undergone the 'ugly duckling-beautiful swan' transformation most girls undergo in high school.

I despised Daniel after that. I despised the public humiliation. I despised how I could have ever befriended someone like him. Yes, he was fun to talk to. Yes, he was reliable and could be a gentleman at times. But, no, I could not love him.