"In today's society, people value a very specific type of person. And then they want you to be like that. It's important to them how you dress or talk. They care about who you hang out with or what you have been up to this weekend. Too many people a...
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"You have what?"
"Insomnia." I repeated, my eyes watching his reaction. "It's strength varies from time to time though. Some days it's mild, some days it's strong. It comes in phases. There's good months and there's bad months. There's a good half a year and a bad half."
Chris leaned back in his chair, his hands spread out flat on the table. "How?" His face was scrunched up in confusion and his eyes widened as if he didn't quite comprehend yet what I had just told him.
I shrugged, averting my gaze to my coffee. "I have idiopathic insomnia. That's the sleep disorder that has no explainable causes. So theoretically, there is no 'how'." I grabbed the milk and poured some into my cup.
He shook his head, closing his eyes for a split second. "How did you know you have it?" He asked, focusing back on me. "I mean, when was it diagnosed and how did it develop?"
"I had always been terrible when it came to sleeping. I was a horribly exhausting baby." I chuckled quietly before taking a sip of my coffee. "But it was always in an okay spectrum. Until last June, I didn't even know that I had a sleep disorder. I just thought that I was a very light sleeper, waking up a few too many times at night." I took another sip. "I think it got worse after June because I was stressing about finishing school and I was stressing about my friends and I was stressing about me and I was stressing about my family. Then there were nights I didn't sleep a minute. And after a while my concentration started to suffer and my health went downhill." I paused for a second, waiting for Chris to take it all in.
He was nodding, showing me that he was still following my explanations.
"Do you remember that little summer get-together we had on William's terrace?"
"Ja, I do." Chris nodded again.
I smiled at him. "I wasn't feeling too well that day 'cause I'd been running on two hours per night for the past week. I had a little melt down in the kitchen that day. William found me and I don't really know why-" I took another sip of coffee. "But I told him about my problems and he asked me to go see a therapist. The therapist he visited a few times after his sister had died."
Chris' face lit up in understanding. I knew that he was informed about William's past therapy sessions since the two had been friends since primary school.
"I felt safe in talking to him about my issues since he had gone through some similar stuff." My coffee cup was almost empty by now and I stood up to get some more. "I didn't feel comfortable telling anyone else. I didn't tell Sana until October. And she's the only one besides William and my family who knows about it." I held in for a second.
"I'm so dumbstruck right now. It's crazy how chill you are whilst talking about it." Chris' voice was a little shaky and I turned in surprise. He was still looking at me, some loose strands of his hair hanging into his face. "So the thing is that you can't sleep at night?"
