I'll be okay, just not today. [Nochelle/Bryles]

- letting go of the fantasy -

I'm now deleting all the cringe A/N notes from now on because I want to hurt 14 year old me

Last week I thought Noah had really helped me get over Max, but things haven't been great. I haven't got his number anymore which has saved me some majorly embarrassing drunk calls but I don't know, things just haven't felt right. I've been 'working from home' this week which has basically consisted of me staying my pyjamas and typing up a few documents between naps. My sleep schedule's become really irregular and I wouldn't say I've gone back into a slump, but I'm definitely not at my best. I'm meant to be working on an order delivery document but I end up finding myself stalking Max's instagram. Once I scroll down the page, I just make myself upset, all the photos of us and anything that had me in it, he's deleted. It hurts. A lot. It doesn't help that his page is now flooded with cringey selfies and couple posts with him and Amanda. I read through the captions of one of them and I almost genuinely throw up in my mouth. It's unbelievably sappy and cheesy and all the 'tumblr quotes' inserts actually make me feel sick. Zero points for originality Max. 

My stalking, wait scratch that, looking out of pure curiosity, yep that's it, is stopped by my mother walking into the front room and saying 

"Look here Ritch, there's an apartment going up town, 24 months, $6,000 rent per month" she says bubbly. I sense that she's trying to get rid of me. I don't blame her though It was really sudden me moving back for a bit, not to mention my mountains of boxes all over the house containing my stuff. 

"Yeah, send me the link, I'll check it out" I say, absent minded. I'm not going to look at it, I know myself and I just feel like it's too soon to move on already. Oh I don't know.

The next morning, I actually have to leave the house, ugh. I'm meant to be meeting Michelle in an hour, at that night club we went to, but during the day a lot of people go there for food, and it stays relatively empty. We haven't been hanging out as much as before, and we miss each other. After getting ready and a 30 minute drive, I finally walk into the bar, and I'm instantly greeted by Mitchie pulling me into a hug, then grabbing me and pulling me to the table she's sat at. We both erupt into conversation, gossiping about everyone and everything. I don't mention Noah, I don't want her to think I've moved on this soon. I mean, we're only friends, nothing else. 

"Hey are you hungry?" I ask her, once the gossip dies down a little. 

"Yeah kinda, I want a snack" She replies. I'm actually really hungry, wow. 

"I'll go" I say, and stand up and walk over to the bar to order. There's nobody around so I just wait there for a few minutes. 

I take my phone out and start playing an old game I have on here. It's actually the only game I have, I haven't got enough storage for anything else. 

"What do you want Prick?" I hear a voice say. I whip my head up and see a certain 'friend' standing behind the bar, Noah. I feel my eyes widen in shock. What is he doing here!? I probably look weird staring at him like this, Ugh who cares I look a mess already. 

"Uhh, what are... youuuu doing here?" I awkwardly say, my voice constantly changing tones. I'm terrible in situations I can't plan for, oh crap. I'm pretty sure he doesn't work here anyway? 

"My friend works here, and he's on break. They're really understaffed here, I'm helping him out" He answers, laughing a little at my strange way of asking. 

"Well, in that case, I'd like a large fries, table three" I say teasingly. Yes, I will make him work for me, I'm hungry dammit! "Coming right up." He says cheerfully and walks round to the back. I pull out my phone again and see my mother's sent me more links to apartments. I click on one to look at it, I'm not really ready but it can't hurt to just look. 

"Moving again?" Noah said, surprising me from behind the counter with my fries. Why does he keep sneaking up on me!? 

"Hehe, err just looking" I awkwardly reply. Looking for an apartment I'm not ready for is pretty embarrassing. I take the fries and sit at the bar, while Noah walks back round to see his friend. I completely forget that Michelle's sitting just behind me, also waiting for the fries. I can't help myself but pull out my phone again and scroll through Max's page. What's wrong with me!?  

"Richelle?" I hear a voice from behind me say. I quickly lock my phone, and turn to see Michelle standing there looking strangely at me. 

"Oh yeah, I got a text, thought it might've been important, anyway let's go eat" I lie, picking up the fries and walking back to our original table. 

Just as we sit down, Noah walks over with two drinks and places them on the table. 

"We didn't order these" Michelle quickly pipes up. 

"On the house, For the beautiful blonde, and the little prick." He says and laughs. 

"Hey!" I shout jokingly. We both laugh slightly and he walks away and I turn my head back to Michelle staring at me. 

"What? We're  friends." I say, clearly knowing what she's currently thinking. For a moment I completely forget about Max and Amanda, and I think I finally realise something. Sometimes the hardest part of letting of the past, is coming to terms with the fact that the future you envisioned, will never be. The mind holds on to its fantasies. Even when they are wrong, unhealthy, dangerous or even cruel. To let go of the past you must let go of a lost future, and live in the here and now... the present. It's time to be fully immersed into reality again. It all starts with a new apartment...

1087 words

please vote if you can x

(AHHH I'VE BEEN REALLY TERRIBLE AND HAVEN'T UPDATED THIS OR MY OTHER BOOK I'VE HAD EXAMS AND NEXT WEEK I HAVE WORK EXPERIENCE SO UPDATES WILL BASICALLY BE NON EXISTENT FOR 2 WEEKS BUT LET'S SEE THANKS FOR READING  ✨) ignore that its old xx