Weightless

4) Weight of Living

23rd of January 2017

"You've had a complaint."

Ethan's stomach feels like it's physically dropped to the bottom of his body. The disappointment on Connie's face only prolongs the feeling.

"A... a complaint?"

Connie nods. "Yes. It's anonymous, so don't even ask who made it. Not even I know," There's a small pause. It lets the venom of the complaint sink in. "I'm very disappointed, Doctor Hardy. I expected more from you."

Ethan's eyes drop to his wringing hands which are resting on his lap. He sits uncomfortably on the woven chair opposite Connie's spotless desk and tries to look as though he's not broken as hell by the news. "I'm really sorry, Mrs Beauchamp."

"Good." Connie says. "You should be. Three years working here and you've got the same complaint a junior doctor would! Apparently, you're distracted, nervous, jittery, dense, incompetent, unprofessional, exhausted looking... the list goes on."

Each word used to describe him feels like a stab in the heart. Ethan feels a lump in his throat as the words are inked and stamped permanently into his mind. He can't say anything, so he only nods.

Connie sighs. As Ethan remains silent, she softens slightly. "Is there something wrong lately, Ethan?"

Ethan shakes his head, feeling tears rise behind his glasses. He's truthful; there's nothing wrong. It's just bad luck, every day, which seems to be determined to kick him.

"This isn't like you."

"I promise you, I'm okay."

Connie looks at him searchingly. "Are you depressed?"

"No! Mrs Beauchamp, I'm perfectly fine," Ethan tells her quickly. "I'm so sorry the complaint happened. I'm not depressed. Only thing I am is just... useless, really," He laughs shakily. "But there's nothing new there."

Connie looks almost alarmed. "Right. Look, I think you're just exhausted and lethargic. You need to learn to take care of yourself and stop using work as a way to get out of your own head. We've all done it - but honestly, it's an awful coping mechanism. Focus on something else."

"I-I don't have the time to focus on anything else. I need to work, it's what matters."

"You do have time now. I'm afraid I'm suspending you. Alright? Not because of the complaint, but because I'm concerned."

Ethan's vision is blurry from the tears provoked by the utter unfairness of it all - he tries so hard but for what? "There's no need to be."

"'I'm afraid it's necessary. You've overworked yourself. Listen, you're a valuable member of my team, when you're rested. This isn't a punishment as such, just a chance to get back onto your feet."

Ethan nods feebly in acknowledgement - he can't win this one.

There's nothing left to say. Connie sighs and Ethan stares at his hands until she gives him the command to leave. He doesn't say anything but 'sorry' as he leaves.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Cal greets Mollie with a kiss on the cheek from behind. She squeals with shock and then laughs.

"Heya. Good shift?"

Mollie smiles. "Very good. I helped a woman give birth for the first time."

Cal sits on the sofa in the vacant staff room besides her, giving her a look as if to say 'tell me more'. She does and he is intoxicated by her elated smile. Mollie speaks about it enthusiastically, mentioning that she got to hold the baby and chatted to the mother afterwards about names.