Weightless

11) Becoming Impassible

(The same day) 11th of February 2017

Time passes and his shift is over. It has dragged massively. Perhaps, one day, the times of enjoying work will return and the feeling of joy will happen again. But he doesn't know when.

Everyone who worked the shift he did is now heading out of the emergency department. They're laughing, larking about and are seemingly cheerful about something. Ethan can't work out what.

Since working out how little weight he's lost - around only ten pounds in the same time he wanted to lose over twenty - he's forgotten how to smile and seeing others do so with ease utterly baffles him. It's a feeling that he can't properly describe, when the scales read something else. Perhaps it's just accomplishment, that's all he can use to label it.

Evidently, it's the only joy he gets all week.

"Ethan, wait up!"

He halts at the sound. It's only when he realises that it's Lily that he wishes he hadn't. Miserably, he waits by the exit of the emergency department.

"Thanks," Lily says. "I didn't want to run after you."

Ethan nods wordlessly. He begins walking again and she falls into step. A short silence falls upon them and regret from both sides is creeping.

Lily's swallowing is audible. "So, I text you last night and I've been trying to speak with you all day," Lily says. "But forget the textbooks, I borrowed some from Iain which his friend used. Iain is so helpful."

"Glad to hear."

"Right. So. I've just been thinking about recent events."

I had a horrible feeling you were going to say that. "Oh."

"Yes. I think it's best if I just come out with it, to be honest. Alright. Perhaps we can... be friends again?"

Ethan doesn't really know what to say. He hadn't entirely been expecting her to ask. Surely, he's not worth the trouble. But there's no way he could straight up refuse her. "Yes. Okay."

"Really?"

"Yes," Ethan says. Honestly, he's missed her - but he's too tired to act like it. Seconds pass but Lily's words from their last argument has stuck in his mind like superglue. He needs to convince her. "But please - can you not mention what you did say yesterday?"

"What? Oh, the... the eating thing?"

Ethan nods. "Yes. Because it's untrue. There's really no need to spread false rumours, after all."

"But... look, you barely eat, and I'm-"

He shoots her a look of reminder. She gets it.

"Fine. If that'll make you happy. But only if you're sure you're okay?"

Ethan has never been less sure of anything in his life. He forces something that could perhaps be a smile. "I'm definitely sure."

"Good. That's really good," Lily says. Somehow, she seems to entirely believe him. "Anyway. Are you going to Charlie's stag-do?"

Oh. That's what everyone was getting all hyper about. It seems to make sense. He knows Cal's excited for it. But as much as Ethan knows this, he also knows that there may be food involved. He can't risk it. Cal can go by himself - it's not like he doesn't know the other people there.

"May give it a miss tonight," Ethan says and walks on to his car wordlessly.

Lily follows but looks disappointed that her efforts at making conversation are being disregarded. "Oh. I'm... not going to Duffy's Hen Night either, actually."