Break Of Dawn

7.

It was an awful dinner,
just like all the family gatherings we had these days.

I'd gotten used to the chronology of events that transpired every meal time.

Tracie would say something innocently stupid.

(I know she was really excited, but it was totally uncalled for.

Then mom would say something really nasty, specifically directed to me.

Dad would tell her to stop,

Then the shouts and name-calling would start,

Mom would leave the table, then a series of banged doors ,
And more yelling from dad.

Then we'd all look at Tracie, who would then realize that she had done it again,

And then she'd cover her face and apologize,
"Shooory... "

Today was no different,

We were eating in silence,

(there was no longer any laughter or happy chatter, except for Tracie who giggled occasionally at something on her phone under the table).

So Tracie told me,
" Sis, you will give me that shirt you are wearing, once you start wearing buibui, right? "

Then my mom looked at my shirt and read the text on it,

" Light Ministries Volunteership Program "

then she snickered,

"  Basking under the good will of the church, and she ain't even a Christian, "

in a sing-song voice

looking down at her food, shaking her head side to side in amusement.

" Stop it, will you, "
dad told her

" You are way past your teenage years, so stop behaving like one "

" Oh, so I'm a teenager now,"

mom spit out,

"Well that makes two of us because I heard that it takes a thief to identify another thief..."

"You will accord me the respect I deserve, you hear me? "dad purred in a low menacing voice.

" You supported her without even consulting me, that's a lot of respect there huh? "she said jabbing a finger towards me.

" Talk to me about respect, what do you know about respect?
Tell me, when do you know about respect?"

Then she pushed back her chair, and started to walk away.

"Don't walk out on me, you hear? Don't walk out on me... "

Dad yelled motioning wildly with his spoon.

" Watch me... "
she said banging the door behind her.

I couldn't take this anymore,
I had to reach a compromise with mom. Tonight .

I stood up and followed her hurriedly,
to her room.

She looked at me and asked,
" What...? "

"Mom please,
this cannot go on, everything is falling apart. Because of me, so I'll have to fix it. "

She narrowed her eyes at me,

She looked tired, exhausted.
Just like the rest of us,

She came at me and held my shoulders,

looked at me in the eyes and asked me,

" Why? Why do want to do this,? Have I not been a good mother. Have... "

" No mom it's not you, it's me. I want to do this, I have never felt this peaceful in a long time and... and... "

my tear banks broke.

My mom then crashed me against her chest and hugged me tight.

It was the best feeling, I had felt in days.

She smelled like chocolate and milk and the lemon soap she used .

I breathed in her scent deeply, my mom smelled like everything was OK .

When she released me,
I saw her eyes were red and puffy.

I had made her cry , and that felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest.

"Mommy, tell me what I have to do to make this right, "

She held my cheeks between her warm soft hands,

and whispered
" You know what you have
to do, "

I wasn't really surprised that she wanted me to drop it all,

and ignore the gnawing feeling at the pit of my stomach,

that which wouldn't give me peace until my heart got what it wanted.

She didn't look surprised either when I refused to do 'what I knew I had to do'

"I can't... "

A resigned look crossed over her face,
and she turned away,
her back to my face .

" If that's the case then,
it's either I leave or you leave.
It's the only way things are going to be back to normal "
She said in a low steady voice.

" OK, "

I swallowed,and walked out of her room.

I went to my room, and slipped under the covers whilst fully clothed.

I knew what I had to do...

*****            ******       ******

*buibui - swahili word for the abaya.

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This chapter is dedicated to
@agnesngure

For being the bestest best friend, and all the support on Wattpad, and outside of Wattpad.