RESPONSABILITY RAIN

III

"You know what?" Noa asked as she got up slowly. "I think I'm gonna head upstairs and call it a night before I get too drunk. Got to work tomorrow."

Lucy nodded but didn't turn away from the screen.

"Look at us, all fancy." she said after a moment. "Getting tipsy off red wine while binge-watching romantic comedies."

"So, this is what I was looking forward to, ten years ago? I have to say; this whole adulthood thing is not a bit as exciting as I thought it would be." Noa said loudly from the stairs she was already climbing.

"Tell me about it." Lucy said. She drank her glass and poured herself a little more of the red beverage.

"It's not even that good." she told herself, after a moment. "It's bitter and it tastes weird. But it makes me look all grown-up." she whispered and looked at her glass, contemplative.

Suddenly, it all hit her at once: the things she could lose if someone ever discovered what she had done, the pain in Tyler's eyes if he got to know who she really was, the deception that Noa would feel if she ever found out... The feelings she had been shutting down were taking her brain, heart and soul over now that she was left alone with her consuming thoughts. Guilt ate her alive. She was so sorry, but no matter what she'd do now, nothing could change the way things had happened. She kept playing that night on repeat in her head. How did everything go so wrong, so fast?

How does anything go so wrong, so fast?

***

The mornings were the worst. Lucy would emerge from sleep and the feeling of culpability would hit her hard, the second her eyes opened. No matter what she'd do after getting up, the feeling would stick with her until she'd find some peace of mind in the evening, when she fell asleep again. But sometimes she wouldn't even get to escape her thoughts at that moment: she'd get terrible nightmares about what happened and she would often wake up during the night, screaming, sweating and feeling as if he was there. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. It was an accident." She'd say to him, sobbing.

Sometimes, Noa would wake up and try to comfort her, but her poor friend would never stop apologizing until she'd fall asleep again. Lucy had horrible headaches in the mornings, due to her crying, and even though she probably remembered her middle-night-crisis, she never mentioned them to her worried friend and tried to make them seem as if they were no big deal when they were brought up.

The months passed and the nightmares became less recurrent. Noa got used to the horrifying screams she'd hear some nights, at dawn, and wouldn't try to talk about them at breakfast, anymore. The feeling of guilt faded a little and Lucy moved in with Tyler.

"So, it's official, now: you're just going to abandon me here."

Lucy looked at her friend with an amused frown and scoffed.

"You were the one who introduced me to Tyler. You should be happy it's going well between us." she replied.

Noa laid down on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

"I am happy for you. But it's still weird that you don't live here anymore. It just doesn't feel right."

"Well, don't take another roommate in too soon, because I might still regret my decision! I mean, what if he snores like hell? Or can't keep his room tidy?"

"Oh, you do not have the right to complain about an untidy room, you pig. You know what I found in here last week?"

"I feel like I don't want to know."

Noa shook her head slowly while she talked.

"Underneath a pile of clothes and garbage, there was a moldy pizza." she paused for a little effect. "And I will not get into the details, but cleaning your mess was the worst experience of my life. Literally." declared Noa, dead serious.

Lucy cringed and gave her friend the "I am so sorry" look she used so often. She got up and grabbed the bag she had just finished packing.

"And, you said you're sure there's nothing else I forgot to take? This is it?"

"Yeah. Or at least it was all I could get my hands on."

"I have the feeling you may have forgotten something..."

Noa pretended to be confused. "I don't know what you're taking about." she said.

Lucy glanced at her outfit.

"That is my t-shirt, man."

"Don't be so rude! A girl's got to keep some souvenirs!"

"Oh, come on. You act as if I was leaving forever. I live ten minutes away!"

"The past week has been unreal, okay? I need to get used to this new situation and your shirt is helping! Plus, it's super cute! Now take your things, and go!"

Lucy hugged Noa and glanced at her room for the last time. She texted Tyler.

'Bout to leave. Spare me some pizza, I'm hungry. Love you.

It was raining outside but her heart was sunny.

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