Metanoia

one.

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one.

Am I in heaven? Was the first thing that came to mind when my heavy lids fluttered open. My question was quickly answered however when the smell of disinfectants entered my nostrils. Logic told me that I was at the hospital.

I don't know what I felt at that moment; was it disappointment or relief? My back was sore from the position I had been sleeping in so I rotated my body to lie down on my side. As I did this, I felt an agonizing pain spike in my thighs. I sat up as my hands fumbled ariund ny body searching for the source of my pain.

Ouch.

Now fully awake, I threw off the covers to further inspect my wound.

Why was I wearing blue and white stripped pajamas?

I rolled my pants up, careful not to inflict any further pain on my legs and saw thin white cotton cloth wrapped around my thigh.

When I had finally fully unraveled the bandage, I was greeted with the slight of multiple knife marks and a lot of dried bits of blood.

Oh!

Frowning, bits and pieces from the night before came rushing in my as I realised I hasn't succeeded. I felt foolish but most of all I felt cowardly for commiting such an act. It just wasn't me.

As I moved towards the windows and stared at the day sky I suddenly realised that my family would've been very disappointed in me if they saw this right now. So there I made my decision.

I was going to live.

***

Knock knock.

I woke out of my dream, jumping a little, startled. As my eyes adjusted to the light, I was met by the wooden door swinging open.

The door finally fully opened, as it revealed a bald man. Mike.

What was he doing here?

Mike worked as a detective. He was given the role to investigated my family's death - it later became a cold case.

He was a nice though slightly aging man. Always wore a sympathetic smile around me, comforting me. I suppose he pitied me. But then again truth be told, everyone pretty much did.

As he walked closer, I couldn't help but ask, "What are you doing here?"

Now as you know already, Mike was a detective. Not a police, so I didn't know any reason to why he was here.

Mike faltered, as he heard my question.

"I came to check up on you, is that a crime?" He joked, giving me a light smile.

His smile disappeared as he continued, "You should know that even though, you might be sad, you shouldn't ever try something like that."

I nodded, feeling somehow ashamed.

Mike, not one for small talk, gave me a hug, as he put down the box of chocolate onto the table next to me.

"Get better soon."