SCP-Tale

The Things Fresh is Not Allowed to do

The list of things SCP-963-131, dubbed "Fresh", is not allowed to do at the foundation.
Why did I take the time to make this?

Anyways, I don't expect all of you to read through the entire thing. But if you do, you get insight of amazing/oh-dear-god events that won't have chapters of their own.

This is probably going to be updated every-so-often. -w-

1: Fresh cannot feed anything s̶u̶g̶ga̶r̶y̶ at all to SCP-999. SCP-999 broke out and tried to hug SCP-001-B.

2: Telling new researchers that SCP-001-B is a crocheting partner is not allowed.
     *Or knitting partner.
     *Or sewing partner.
     *Or any other kind of 'partner'.

3: No longer allowed to challenge S̶C̶P̶-̶0̶7̶3̶ anybody to games and/or competitions. Yes, that includes the Game of Life. And Heads-Up 7-Up. Yes, AND the drink 7-Up. ...wait, how is that even a game?

4: SCP-682 should never be taunted and be called "a caged octopus"!

5: Using 682 as a new "host" is just plain pointless. The last time Fresh tried to use 682 resulted in 682 attempting suicide, and failing horribly.

6: Do not challenge SCP-001-A to d̶r̶a̶w̶i̶n̶g̶ any kind of contest.

7: While it is true that "No one expects the SCP Inquisition!", that is only because there is no such thing. No, not even for SCP-3,000. Who even let Fresh in 3,000's chamber, anyways?

8: Fresh is not king of anywhere or anything. Or queen. Or lord. Or any other kind of ruler, genderless or not.

9: 297 should not be used for s̶e̶x̶u̶a̶l̶ any kind of purposes. Actually, never let Fresh within ten yards of SCP-297. Or vise versa. Yes, that does include when 'in heat'. SCP-297 IS A SKELETON FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!

10: Although it is entirely possible to use SCPs currently under control of the Foundation to make Fresh a tentacle monster, no. 073 and 682 are already a handful. Doesn't Fresh already have tentacles?

11: There is no market for SCP brand pornography.
     *No, not even with 297.
     *Yes, it probably would generate a great deal of revenue if sold in Japan but still, leaving 297 and 999 together? Jesus Christ man.
     *Do NOT replace the camera in 682's chamber with a hidden one, drug 3,000 with ████, and let him into 682's chamber. That was an awkward experience for all of us. Yes, that helped us understand skeletal reproduction. But that does not mean you can force two SCPs to reproduce ever again.

12: Should not replace the buckshot in Dr. Nyx's shotgun shells with any of the following: birdseed, confetti, cake sprinkles, sawdust, or liquefied soul magic personally from Fresh's host.

13: Should not replace any lamp with either SCP-001-C or SCP-001-D.
     *Should not replace SCP-001-C or SCP-001-D with a lamp.
     *Or SCP-134.

14: Never let Fresh have ANY contact with Grillby, or any other cafeteria worker.

15: Fresh must never come in contact with anyone under the age of 18. We don't need any more people hypnotized into 'keepin up with da lingo'.

16: Fresh must never let Anti and Error personally meet....ever again.

17: Victims of SCP-010 are not pets.

18: Fresh is not allowed to bargain with personnel for their souls if they are unaware of SCP-3,000.

19: Don't let Fresh come into any contact with SCP-001-B.