Painful Love-(Ticcimask fan fiction)

Nightmares when awake

3rd person POV
The proxies arrives home, to see everyone in the living room... even Jeff. Toby walked right passed without saying hello to anyone. He went straight upstairs to the bathroom to take a shower. Thoughts swirling around in his brain, he was thinking about All those  years the voices have been talking to him. Telling him that he was useless, worthless, a monster, and disgusting. Toby got out of the shower and got dressed in sweatpants and a black shirt. He looked down at his hands, ashamed that he had chewed them to a point were he had to wear a muzzle. He wasn't a dog. He was a human, for the most part. He finished getting dressed and walked down stairs to the kitchen to get some waffles, when he overheard Jeff and BEN talking in the living room.
"I swear he's insane Jeff!" BEN said with annoyance in his voice.
"I know! What a fucking loser! I mean seriously, who's obsessed with fire? That's just wrong" Jeff replied to BEN with a disgusted look on his face. Toby believes them. Every word. But he still pondered the question: Why would they say those terrible things? And: How did they now I was obsessed with fire?
Toby's POV
Only Masky and Hoody knew that I loved fire! How did they know? I started to get worried and nervous. Was Masky really trustable? And what about Hoody? I thought they liked me! Guess not. Their just like all the rest. Tears fell down my face fast as I started chewing on my hand again. I didn't care if they put the muzzle on me. I didn't care about anything anymore.
Masky's POV
I watched as Toby stood there crying and chewing on his hands, drawing blood even. I sighed and I went into Smile Dogs room and took the muzzle back out. I went back into the kitchen and put it around Toby's mouth and locked it in the back with a key, so he couldn't just take it off. He just stood there, tears falling from his eyes. I decided to hug him, even though he didn't like to be touched. He hugged back.
"Why did you tell them, Masky?" He asked me, tears still falling down his face.
"I-I didn't, I swear!" I lied. I didn't want to, but I thought that he wouldn't trust me and we wouldn't be friends anymore.
"You had to. Hoody's the only other one that knows!" He said crying even harder now.
"Now everyone knows I'm a freak! A monster! I'M DISGUSTING! I SHOULD BE DEAD! Why did you tell them!?" Toby was yelling now. I felt so bad that I told someone. I had told Ej and Clockwork. Guess they can't keep a secret, good to know. Toby turned to see everyone in the house staring at him a blank expression.
Toby's POV
I pushed past everyone and went upstairs to the Proxy room. I locked the door and went onto my bed and sobbed. Then I heard a knock on the door and the knob started jiggling.
"Who is it?" I asked trying to hold back sobs.
"Umm...it's Hoody. Just wanted to let you know that Masky and I are going to sleep in a spare room, so you have space, ok" he stated. I was fine with it. The farther away everyone is the better! I laid in bed trying to fall asleep, and I eventually did. BIG MISTAKE!
~Dream World~
I woke up to pitch black darkness. Nothing and no one around.
"Hello?" No answer "anyone here?" Still no answer. Suddenly a taller figure walks up. I recognized that guys anywhere. It was my father. "YOU DISGUSTING PEICE OF SHIT! YOU WHORE, SLUT, FAGGOT!!! I BET YOU LOVED ALL THOSE TIMES I MADE YOU SUCK ON MY COCK. OR ALL THOSE TIMES I MADE YOU HAVE SEX WITH ME! YOU LOVED ALL THE CUSTOMERS!"  He yelled really close to my face making me tear up and start to cry.
"Please stop!" I told him still sobbing!
"Why? You deserve all of it! You killed Lyra! Heck, you broke your mom's heart by killing me boy! Didn't you see her face!? What did you think she would feel? Happy? Sad? Grateful to have her own son kill the man she loved?" He asked as he punched me in my face.
"She never loved you! All you ever did was beat us, drink, rape me, and beat us some more! You weren't a dad! You were a monster! Just like me! I may not be able to feel physical pain but you caused me so much emotional pain!!! Did you know that? 'Dad'" I yelled and asked, feeling the same amount of rage as I did when I killed him.
"You little whore! Your mother loved me more than you or that slut of your sister,Lyra!" He yelled.
~End of dream~
I woke up, sweating buckets as tears flowed down my cheeks. I started hyperventilating and rocking back and forth in a ball. I couldn't hold it anymore. I let out a terrible scream as the voices started taunting me.
"TOBY!? Toby open the door, now!" I think it was Masky who yelled from the other side of the door.
"What's happening?" Slenders voice boomed.
"I think he's having a panic attack! But the doors locked!" Hoody yelled.
I started to chew on my hand cause I broke off the muzzle out of anger. Blood ran down my arm, until I couldn't feel anything to chew on, I looked at my hand to see bone and flesh. This is what I've done. This is what made me a monster. This is what made me...me. My disorders made me, me. And I thought about it. I can't change who I am. But I can try. I'll try after my attack, cause right now it's hard to think.
Masky's POV
Slender teleported us inside the Proxy room. The sight would make any normal person get sick. Poor Toby. Slender had bought  a new muzzle that couldn't be broken off. He went up to Toby who was trying to chew his fingers. Slender put it around his head as Toby struggled to get away, but of course lost. He sat there crying and staring at us with sadness and emptiness in his eyes. After he calmed down he looked at us and said, "I'm sorry I'm a monster. I'm sorry this is who I am. I'm sorry that I have disorders.  I'm sorry I don't like being touched. I'm sorry for being a disgusting, good for nothing whore! I'm sorry for being a cry baby. I'm sorry for chewing on my hands. I'm sorry about everything." The poor child thinks it's all his fault he acts like this. But it isn't. That was how he was born.
"Umm... Toby? Is it ok if I give you a hug?" I asked cautiously. He nodded his head slowly, as I went in for a hug. He started to cry on my shoulder as he hugged back. I tried to separate, but he wouldn't let go. So u picked him up and rocked him like a baby. I started to think. Toby is broken... shattered into a million pieces. And I'm going to be the one to put him back together. I love Tobias Erin Rogers dammit! And I'll shout it to the world if I have to.
"You know, I hate this so much... but it still feels nice." Toby said quietly.
"I'm glad. Very glad. And Toby, your not all those things the voices say you are. You aren't a monster. Or anything like that. You're Toby. Cute, innocent Toby. And you should embrace it." I said as he nodded his head.
"Thank you for caring everybody!" He said to the group.
"No problem. And Toby. I'm really sorry for all that I did to you. I never realized how bad you had it. I'm the one who should be apologizing for being a monster. Not you." Surprisingly, Jeff said.
"Hey, I'm really sorry too!" BEN also said, not as surprising but still sweet.
"It's ok. I forgive you. The voices don't like you though. They say that you're lying out of pity!" Toby spat. As he tensed in my arms.
"Toby, I think their being honest!" I said trying calm them down.
"Their not... the voices said their not. They just pity me is all. Like those therapists, and doctors, and mom." Toby said calming down even though I could feel the anger inside of him.
"Toby I promise, we're telling he truth." Jeff said trying to frown the best he could.
"Fuck. You. The voices said the only reason anyone is on earth is to pity troubled people while they succeed and leave people like us behind. Only to be pitied  by people who have less problems." Toby said. I let him go.
"That wasn't nice. They were just trying to say sorry. Why can't you see that? You're making them feel bad." I said to Toby who was now face if away from us.
"Get out. Get out. Just get the frick  out... now." Toby said as he turned around to face us. He could g curse cause Sally was in the room.
"Jeff. BEN. I forgive you. But everyone... please just get out. The voices said I'll lash out in a minute or two. And last time that happened, I killed my father. Soooo... might no want to be in here when that happens." He chuckles nervously while rubbing the back of his neck. "Plus when I'm done, I have one more thing to tell you." He continued.
"Ok just tell us when you're done 'lashing out'." Hoody said with a small smile. I could tell it was small cause he didn't have his mask on. Mostly cause it was 4:35 in the MORNING!

Thank you @LunaTheUnhuman for being the first to read and comment on this story. It made me feel good!!! So THANKS AH TUNS!!!