Rise

Chapter 12

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I don't know if we each have a destiny,

or it we're all floating around accidental-like on a breeze,

But I, I think maybe it's both.

Maybe both is happening at the same time. 

-- Forrest Gump 

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Three days later...

The Falcon was fixing to stop on a planet called Naboo.

I'm sitting next to my window, staring out at the stars. This has become a habit of mine; a part of my daily routine. Watching the stars makes me feel safe and secure, and it makes me feel like, for a brief moment, the universe is mine.

It's been three days since my nightmare with Vader.

Apparently, after I had killed Vader in my dream, Han had come to finally wake me up. According to him, I'd had trouble breathing in my sleep and I'd been murmuring nonstop.

Whatever had happened, I didn't want it to happen again.

My nightmares here lately have been the average; death, shadows, things jumping at me from behind corners. But I felt like this was only a grace period, and soon, the real nightmares would come out.

I've been thinking about the dream for days, regretting how I'd killed Vader. Of course, he wasn't really dead--it'd been a dream version of him. But I'd been in control of myself in the dream, and I could've prevented myself from killing him out of hate. Hate was a path to the Dark Side. I shiver, thinking of the gruesome drawings in the Force book.

I could never, ever be tempted. The dream had not only scared me--it'd rooted itself deep inside me, taking hold of my brain and not letting go.

Looking at my lightsaber, I grit my teeth. I'm a Jedi. And I will remain one for as long as I can. I will not turn to the Dark Side, and I will not listen to what a mere dream told me.

Sighing, I feel a bit more relaxed as I go over this train of thought. With Luke, Leia, and Han at my side, I'll surely remain an overall "good" soul.

Was I truly good, though? I've killed lots of people--but so have Luke, Han, and Leia. This thought makes me feel even more calm, and I realize that I shouldn't worry so much.

As I sit there, I hear footsteps. I look away from the window to see Han in the doorway.

I get off of the seat next to the window and stand up. As I stand, I feel a slight twinge in my chest; a reminder of the injuries that I'd suffered a week ago. Han said that eventually, this twinge in my chest whenever I moved would disappear. I hoped so.

"Have we reached the planet?" I ask him.

"Yeah," Han looks behind him, and I hear Luke and Leia's muffled voices. "We're just stopping to take a break, I think. They know of a cantina here; the Nexus Cantina is what they said it's called." he sounds a bit doubtful.

Laughing a bit, I walk past him as I head towards the cockpit. "What, you don't believe them?"

"Not really. They're both bad at memorizing locations and names."

I smile as I duck into the cockpit. Lately, I've been a bit more free with my smiles and grins, my laughs, and even the occasional giggle. Surprisingly, it's easy to do all of this, even though I haven't done either of those other things in years.