Rise

Chapter 18

*********************

I am learning to love the sound of my feet

walking away from things not meant for me.

*********************

Sitting there, in the cave, I feel like I've jumped off of a mountain, and survived the fall.

I sit there, waiting for my flashbacks to come, waiting for something bad to happen. I wait for panic to take over my mind and control it.

But that doesn't happen. My eyes are closed, and I'm breathing in deeply. My breaths are even, and my heartbeat has slowed.

Opening my eyes, I see the cave around me and Han, and I can clearly see that, though I have explained my past, the world has not ended. There isn't chaos everywhere. Instead, I almost felt at peace--because I had finally shared my experiences with someone, and I had finally gotten all of these things off of my chest.

As I sit there, I realize:

That had been the right decision.

This new peace--I felt so comforted by the fact that I'd actually told someone about my past. And now that I think about it, it hadn't been that difficult to do so.

I lift my head and see Han, staring at me with sympathy in his eyes. But he also looks relieved that I've finally described what I've been through.

He had listened, just like he'd said he would. I'd been so worried about telling him these things, and yet....there hadn't really been anything to worry about. Han had no interrupted my story once, and he'd sat quietly and listened to every word that I had spoken.

We're both silent for a second, and I can see Han opening and closing his mouth as he tries to find out what to say.

"I..." he stops, and then continues, "I had no idea that you had been through...all of that." his voice is slightly hushed, and he bites his lip. He does that a lot, I've noticed, when he's deep in thought.

"I'm really sorry--I'm sorry that you had to go through those things....you don't deserve it." Han tells me, and I feel beyond grateful for what he says.

With a deep breath, I sigh, feeling my previously tense shoulders loosening up. I wasn't happy, but suddenly, I didn't feel like I was drowning in my memories anymore. "It's okay," I respond quietly. "Thank you--thank you for listening...." I stop, my breath hitching, and I feel emotional--for some weird reason. "I've been so afraid, for so long, of telling anyone anything. I've always thought that I'd regret it later, or that it'd be a bad decision...but I don't feel that way anymore. I feel....I feel at peace." I think of how weird I must look, as I openly talk about my feelings.

Han smiles faintly at me. "It's no problem, El. I'm...I'm glad that you could tell me. I know how scary that kind of stuff can be."

We look at one another for a moment, and I get the weird urge to lay my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. I want to fall asleep, here, in the cave, on Han's shoulder. It's a strange urge and I resist it.

I put my hands on my knees and get to my feet, standing up. My legs are stiff from the cold, and I realize how red my hands are getting. It'd be best to get back into the main base, where it's warmer.

Han, seeing me, gets up too, brushing some snow off of his jacket. "Well, I'm gonna go find Luke and Leia--you don't--you don't mind if I fill them in a bit on your backstory, do you?" as he says it, he runs his hand through his hair, and I almost think he looks nervous. "I mean, if you don't want me to tell them, that--that's totally, fine, too."

Successfully managing not to smile, I nod. "That's fine; it'd be best that they know, anyway....just Luke and Leia, though, okay?"

"Got it." he flashes me a look, and I am once again blown away by how much I'm trusting him.

"I'll be taking a walk around the base...I just--I want to clear my head, kind of. I'll probably be back at our quarters and all in a couple of hours." I say to Han--I enjoy his company, but I want to think on my own for a little bit now.

Han nods more than is necessary. "Oh, yeah, sure, no problem. I understand," he hesitates, then puts an arm around my shoulders as a sort of hug. He lets go and steps away. "Take care." he tells me, and I can see how nervous that little action made him as he gives me a smile.

I smile back. "You too."

Han leaves, and I'm left to catch a breath.

This whole day had been so crazy--I wondered if my life as a rebel would always be like this; action-packed and eventful. I didn't know how much I liked action-packed and eventful, but I preferred them over dwelling on my past.

As I walked forward, I feel another wave of peace washing over me.

As I walked forward, into the base, I felt as if I was leaving my grief, sadness, and fear rotting in the cave.

It was a good feeling.

///////////////////////////

Two hours later, my elevator stopped at Floor 3.

The doors opened and I stepped out into the hallway, heading towards the door to my room. It was quiet in the rebel base, for it was starting to get late and everyone was beginning to go to sleep.

As I reached my door, I saw a small note on the wall next to it. The note read: Because you like to read.

Luke, Han, and Leia's signatures were all signed at the bottom of the note.

Confused, I took the note and held it in my hand as I opened my door. I flipped on the lights. Walking into my room, I noticed something on the couch. I strode up to the couch, and I feel a grin growing on my face as I realize what Luke, Han, and Leia have left for me.

A pile of books sat there, and they were bound together by a thin band. I sat down quickly, grabbing the books and placing them in my lap. My heart is racing from excitement and I can't get rid of the smile that I'm making.

I hastily take off the rubber band, throwing it to the side. I look at the books they've left for me--as I count them, I realize there's 5 books in the pile.

They are all fairly thick, and I know that I'll be able to read these in my spare time. As I grab the one from the top of the pile and open it, a note falls out from in-between the cover and the first page of the book.

Since you have that lightsaber, I figured you'd like this--Luke.

I look at the cover again, and I realize that it's the Force Book that me and Luke had been reading on the Falcon. Joy is making my hands quiver slightly, and I place the note back in the book before setting it to the side. I pick up the next one.

This one is from Leia. The note says, This one is about a girl who, like you, is learning to be stronger.

The fact that they are seeing these books, and thinking of me, makes me feel all warm inside. I look through all the rest of the books, all of them from Han, Luke and Leia.

Putting the books back into a pile and setting them on the table, I can't get rid of the grin on my face. I feel like a little kid again as I look at these gifts.

My heart has never felt bigger, and I am astonished by how happy I feel.

I get up and find a blanket in the closet, before bringing it back to the couch and laying down with it. I sigh softly, feeling both tired and ecstatic. My eyes are heavy and I close them, falling into sleep. 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////

Alright, we've gotten past the sad chapters, and the next few will focus more on Ellie's happiness <3 

Thank you for reading!