Rise

Chapter 36

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I'd rather be sad with you

than anywhere away from you.

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My face is in my hands, and I don't want to look up. I don't want to see Han, Luke, and Leia's faces, still and pale with fear. Plus, I don't know if I can stand looking at them when all I can think of while doing so is their dead bodies in my visions. At least Cecily isn't here. At least I could maybe talk to her later, in the effort to talk to someone who didn't remind me of the horrible visions. Of how I'd killed Luke, Leia, and Han.

Oh, no, had I caused their deaths? Had it really been me?

I'm talking, I realize, and words are pouring out of my mouth, past my lips, before I can even understand what's happening.

"All of you are dead, all of you, dead--" my voice is high-pitched and almost raised to the volume of a scream. "Because of me!" I look up, finally, and notice that Han is holding both of my hands, his face white. Luke and Leia are beside him, and Luke is almost to the point of tears.

"What are you talking about?" Leia asks, concern bright in her eyes. I shake my head, quivering, gasping for air as I look at all of them.

Dead. All of them had died. I know what'd I'd seen. That had been the future.

I look from her, to Luke, and then to Han. I let out a small scream. "I KILLED YOU!" my voice is wobbly and cracked. "I KILLED ALL OF YOU!" agony at what I can remember is bursting within my brain. Hardly anything is making sense anymore. I feel cold. I can't even feel Han's hands in mine anymore.

"Ellie, we're not dead! We're right here!" Luke says, taking a step closer to me.

I sob, shaking my head. "No, no, you don't understand...you're all going to die! I killed all of you!" tears are streaming down my face. The fear that's in my heart is festering, killing every part of me.

What I'd seen was something I would never forget. And now, I'm afraid that I'm going to actually end up killing Luke, Leia, and Han. If I could just do something to prevent that....

Leia looks mortified at my state, and Luke is starting to cry. I suddenly wonder why they're even here, and why they'd been in here to wake me up. "What are you all even doing in here?" I choke out, trying to find something, anything, to anchor me to reality. I'm slowly slipping away into madness.

Han's face is so pale, I worry if he's okay. "We were all asleep, and then we all heard you screaming--" he's talking fast, his words quaking. "We came in here and you just kept screaming, El, and you were so cold, and you were just shouting all these things...." Han closes his eyes, and I feel my heart turn to ice.

"What did I say?" I ask him. He doesn't answer. "What did I say?!" I suddenly yell, fear pounding through my blood.

"You were saying all sorts of things, and every word you said contradicted the other words. You said something about Cecily, and how we could've saved her. You said how much you hated Darth Vader. But then you were murmuring stuff about how you would bow before the Sith, and you started calling him Lord Vader." Han's eyes meet mine, but I hardly notice. I stare through him.

This isn't good. None of it is. I have to get away from Han, away from Luke and Leia; away from Cecily, even. None of them were safe if I was around. I have to get away.

I get out of my bed, hardly able to stand. But I quickly gain my footing as I stand up straighter, as Han and the others come to my side. "No!" I yell, backing away from them, the voices in my head suddenly too strong, too loud. The voices from my visions are overwhelming me. "Stay back! None of you--none of you are safe with me!"