Rise

Chapter 34

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It was never the way she looked

always the way she was

I could've fallen in love with her with my eyes closed.

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My heartbeat is in my ears, in my skull...it's everywhere. I feel it stronger than I've ever felt it before. I'm trying to breathe normally, and yet, for some reason, I can't. It doesn't make sense to me. Why am I so fluttery?

It can't be me going back into my old flashbacks. Sure, when I got those, I would hear my heartbeat and breathe like this. But this doesn't give me a trapped, gripping feeling like the flashbacks did. This feeling is wild and sweet, like a brisk summer wind. I'm starting to like it, but I'm afraid that I, too, will drift with the wind.

Raising my head, I look briefly down at my hand in Han's. His hand is soft, and my hand feels oddly delicate in his. Looking up, I allow my eyes to travel across the landscape of Han's face. He's a step ahead of me, so I can watch him discreetly. His gray eyes are focused on what's ahead, and I can see a trace of anticipation in them. Though he isn't smiling, he isn't frowning, either. His lips are slightly parted, and the very corners of them are slightly tilted up.

Before I know it, we've reached a clear spot in the ball room. As we come to a stop, my breath catches as I look around at the dancing people in the room. They're all holding hands, all gazing longingly at one another. All of them seem to fit in so well in this setting. I feel pretty, but awkward.

As Han steps in front of me and faces me, I suddenly blurt out my worries. "I've--I've never done this," I get out quickly, before adding abruptly, "Like, I've never danced. I--I don't know how."

He looks at me for a second, then gives a small chuckle. "That's okay, El." he squeezes my hand. "Seriously. It's fine."

I smile rather shyly, feeling embarrassed.

"Here, I'll teach you." Han tells me, his voice like music to my ears. He takes both of my hands and places them on his shoulders. "So, you keep your hands here," he explains. I nod, and he continues, "Next, I do this." he places his hands on my waist, and I manage to keep from jumping. All this physical contact is making me jittery, but not in the bad way. "Then we just sway and enjoy the moment from there." Han concludes, giving me a smile.

I laugh a bit. He's so casual and charming about the whole thing. My arms feel stiff and firm on his shoulders, but as we begin to sway from side to side, I feel my tense muscles beginning to loosen up, and I feel more relaxed. I think Han relaxes, too, because he looks more comfortable after a moment.

"So, have you ever been to a dance before?" I ask him, raising an inquiring brow.

"Yes, I have," Han answers, looking around us, then back at me. "But I'm sure this one's going to be my favorite."

Knowing the answer but asking anyway, I ask him, "Why's that?" my eyes are surely sparkling.

Han looks away, and he looks a bit bashful. "I can't say why; I don't want to use up all of my charming lines just yet."

Laughing, I shake my head. "Han, you're...." I trail off, not sure how to continue. He looks into my eyes with his lips parted, and I resist the urge to lean in closer. "You're something else."

Smirking, he pulls me just a bit closer, and my heart gives a small jump. "What do you mean by something else, Ellie Stone?" his voice is low and quiet.

"I mean that you are different from everyone I've ever met, and that you're too good to be real, Han Solo." I answer.

Looking slightly surprised at my answer, Han stares at me, and I stare at him. I don't know if what I just said was the right thing or not. His expression is hard to read. As we look at one another, though, I begin to see an emotion in his gaze; an emotion that looks much like the feeling that this night is giving me.

"Ellie," he responds softly, "That's exactly what I think about you." We both smile, and for some reason, I feel like I want to cry. I don't know why. But I think Han sees this and he asks, "El, did I say something wrong?"

I shake my head, smiling earnestly at him. "No." I reply. "You said everything right, and that's why. I just can't believe how lucky I am to know you." Oh, great, I'm getting all emotional now. Surely that's a turn-off for Han.

No, wait, it isn't. He gives me a soft smile and pulls me up against him, embracing me in a gentle hug. I'm a bit taken aback by this response, but I love it nonetheless. I close my eyes, laying my cheek on his shoulder as I feel his chin resting on my forehead. This is the safest I've ever been, and the safest I'll ever be. I think of how, for the past few days, I've been trying to resist being attracted to Han. How I've been so cautious of these feelings for him.

But as he hugs me a bit tighter and strokes my hair, I let out a slightly-quivering sigh, and smile as I feel the feeling rush through me.

I love Han Solo.

And I no longer feel afraid to think this, or feel this way. I feel brave and happy. Suddenly, I can see a tangible, real future in my mind's eye...a future that could have Han in it.

I lean away from him, pulling gently out of the hug as we move to the music. For a few heartbeats, there's no words between us; just a peaceful quiet.

"Ellie," Han suddenly starts, "I don't want this to be over."

Looking up at him, I'm a bit confused about what he means. "What do you mean?" I ask quietly.

He looks stressed. "I just...I just know that after this, after tonight, we're going to have to delve back into the war, the fighting. Tonight's only a brief break." His voice is hard, but I think that's mostly because he's trying not to seem sad.

I'm not sure how to respond to what he's said. I get what he's saying, but I want to comfort him. "But after the war, when we win, then things will be fine." I try.

Shaking his head, Han closes his eyes. "But what if we don't make it?" He murmurs. "What if something--something happens to one of us? Or Luke, Leia, or Cecily?" There's fear in his eyes, and suddenly, his hold on me tightens as he stares at me with burning intensity. "What if something happens to you?"

I meet his gaze and pull myself closer to him, and if I'd been a bit closer, I could've kissed him. "Han, I can take care of myself. Don't worry about me." I tell him reassuringly.

Laughing a bit, Han sighs. "I know. But that doesn't mean I can't worry."

"Trust me. I'm capable of defending myself."

Han smiles faintly at me for a moment, then nods. "Okay. I believe you."

Smiling, I lean back a bit. "As you should," I reply.

As we continue to dance, I take note of how free I feel. I may as well have wings.

Tonight, dancing with Han, I feel at home. I've finally realized that home is not a place; it's a person.

I've found my home, I think.

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Thank you all SO MUCH for all of the reads and love that this story has received! I cannot believe that it's still gaining interest and readers. I love you all! ❤️