Say You Won't Let Go

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***possible trigger**

It's been a few days since the night I touched Luke in the wrong spot and I called him daddy and he kissed me. It was one night and the first time we talked in a year.

I don't know what to think of myself, honestly. It doesn't feel weird. If anything, it felt natural to be with Luke like that.

Obviously I can never admit that, not even to Carlee or Chrissy. Luke would never have feelings for me because it's wrong to love someone who used to be a sibling to you.

And even if that wasn't the case, why would Luke like me? I'm not the most attractive girl and I've never been comfortable with my body, he knows this.

I had a problem with my weight and I wouldn't eat for days. I had a goal weight and I didn't want to eat until I hit it, I've become skinnier and I did get to my goal but not in the right way. I should've worked out or watched what I ate but instead I fasted and pinched at my skin in the mirror while I picked out every single flaw of my body.

Luke was the first to notice my scars. He saw them trailing up and down my arms when we had gone on a walk together. I got hot and took off my sweatshirt and, without thinking, I exposed them, dozens of cuts running along my wrists. Every single one of them caused by words said by people who've become irrelevant in my life today.

Luke grabbed my arms and stared at them for a long time before he gently let go and walked away. It broke my heart. And I knew that he wouldn't care but it hurt so much more than I ever thought it would.

I walked home alone and cried myself to sleep. I was woken up by arms wrapping around my waist and tears dripping on the back of my neck.

"Why'd you do it?" Luke whispered.

"I don't know," I turned to face him and my eyes welled up with tears at the sight of him. He was in sweats and his eyes were bloodshot and watery from crying. And I could tell, he thought he failed as my friend.

"I liked it." I continued.

He took my arms and traced his fingers over the swollen skin. His tears dropped on my arms and rolled down onto my sheets. I watched him as he sat there, a broken, teen boy who was lost for words.

We fell asleep, my head in the crook of his neck and his arms wrapped tightly around me. We both had cried that night and it was the most emotional thing I had gone through.

I don't regret cutting myself, I regret Luke finding out. He checked on me a lot after that, he'd text me and if my texting was in any way different than how I normally texted, he'd come over to make sure I wasn't bleeding at the wrists.

At the time, it was extremely annoying, but now I miss it. I felt important and didn't realize it until that kind of attention from someone, was gone.

When Luke and I figured out our situation, I was so relieved on the inside because he holds such a special place in my heart. Luke is one of the reasons I didn't kill myself and to have that back in my life is so good for my health.

My parents got a divorce when I was fifteen. My dad lives in California and my mom and I live in Michigan. There's nothing wrong with my dad, we have a perfectly healthy relationship, he just lives on the other side of the country.

My mom is a full time surgeon and is rarely ever home and when she is, she's sleeping. I'm not complaining, she provides me with a pretty damn good life and she loves what she does.

The divorce wasn't very hard on me at all. I knew it was coming. my dad wouldn't come back home until really early hours of the morning and when my mom was home, they would fight nonstop until one of them left. When they'd get in a fight, I'd go over to Luke's and we'd watch Disney movies and he'd hold me until I fell asleep.

Liz, Luke's mother, was a second mom to me. She doesn't know how thankful I am for every single thing she's done. Liz would feed me if my parents weren't home and she'd give me rides to school if it was crappy outside. She helped me get my hours in for my driving permit and she'd help me with my math homework if I needed it.

The Hemmings family doesn't know it, but they saved my life. And I could not be more thankful.

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Omg this chapter sucks so much but I wrote it while listening to some dang good music and it's 2 in the morning

So there's some background information on Layla. She's gonna have a rough past and that will come up more in the book, I'll put a trigger warning before anything that needs one.

I've been reading this damn good book and I keep accidentally typing the main characters name from that book in mine and I'm like nO WHAT ARE YOU DOING THAT IS THEFT

Im fucking tired

Anyways, hope y'all enjoyed.

-M :)