Dear Lauren,
I finally got paper!! Anyways right now it's 4:37 am and I can't stop thinking about you. If you were here you would've told me to go back to bed and sleep with you but you're not here so I'm up writing. Sorry for not going back to bed I'm just thinking about everything and letting my thoughts run wild. There are so many things to want to say/ask/tell you like I don't know where to start. I wish I can travel back in time to where you were still mine so I could've made the most out of it but I don't know. I feel like that just would've hurt us more but still. I would've played with your hair and called you beautiful. I would've kissed your lips and told you that I love you. I would've held your hand when you were nervous or scared. I would've hugged and try to kiss the pain away. I would've done all these things more but I can't and it's my fault. Don't tell yourself it's your fault cause it's not. You can't do anything wrong you're perfect. So fucking perfect. I wish you were here though. I want to be in your arms... only yours. Sometimes I wonder what goes through your mind when someone mentions my name. Do you think of the good memories we have? Do you remember the fact that I left and you turn angry/sad? Do you just don't care? Why am I asking you so many questions? I don't even deserve an answer. Today I saw a yellow rose. It made me think of you cause I remember when you got me one for my birthday a few years ago. There's not a day where you're not on my mind. Thoughts of you consume me. It's like I'm trapped in a awful metaphorical room of everything that reminds me of you. Guess what? Everything little thing reminds me of you. Do you even think of me? Please fucking think about me sometimes because the only thing I do is fucking think about you. I just want you to drink text me and tell me you miss me. I wish you wouldn't be drunk but I just want you to miss me the way I miss you. I really fucking love you Lauren. I'm sorry for everything...
~ Camila C.
