Find the Light

Coping

I looked at myself in the mirror. What I saw was a face of disappointment. I couldn't believe what was happening. I couldn't tell Allie. Not yet anyway. I didn't want to tell Kieran either, but I knew I had to.

I washed my hands, and gently ran a comb through my hair. Then I unlocked the door, and headed towards the living room.

"Hey! Is everything okay?" Allie asked, looking up from the glass of water she was pouring in the kitchen.

I sat down on a chair in front of the kitchen counter, and put my phone down in front of me.

"Oh yeah. Sorry I just felt sick but I'm totally fine."

She nodded, looking concerned. We continued to talk for another half hour or so. It was hard to concentrate on the conversation when I had just found out what I did.

After she left, I decided it would be a good idea to go to the doctor and confirm whether I was pregnant or not. Kieran's hockey game was in a couple hours, so I changed into some warmer clothes before I left.

The doctor's office wasn't too busy, so I got in after 10 minutes. I boosted myself up onto examination table that was covered with tissue paper. The nurse came in after a couple minutes. He was tall, well groomed, and was very kind.

"So what brings you in today?" He asked, smiling.

I was so nervous to tell him, I hadn't even said it out loud yet. He was a nurse though, I had to tell him in order to make sure it was true.

"Well, I had been feeling sick these past few mornings, and I um... I haven't gotten my period yet. I took a pregnancy test this morning, and it-it was... positive." I paused, as he wrote on his clip board.

"I just wanted to confirm... you know-" He told me he understood, and that he would get the doctor in as soon as possible so I didn't have to wait much more.

I felt my phone vibrate, so I picked it up, and saw that Kieran had texted me.

*Hey. Still coming to my game?*

I didn't reply. I felt awful about this, and I wanted to tell him in person. I couldn't text him without saying anything about this.

The doctor came in, and looked over the clip board. She looked up at me with a concerned smile.

"Alright hon, I'm just gonna make this quick and easy. I'll get ya to follow me down the hall, and I'll run an ultrasound, and that should tell us whether you're pregnant or not. Can I ask you when the last time was you had sex?"

I nodded, "Just over two weeks ago. With my boyfriend."

"Oh, well thank god it wasn't some one night stand right?" She said, and laughed.

I smiled, nervously.

"Don't worry too much hon. I guarantee that what you want to happen, will happen." She smiled, and motioned for me to follow her down the hall.

I laid down on the same kind of examination table, and the doctor turned on the computer in front of me.

"So I've covered this wand in this jelly-like substance, and I'm going to spread it over your stomach. If you feel discomfort at all, let me know, but you should only feel the cold from the jelly." She said, and looked up at me for confirmation.

I nodded, and she placed the wand on my stomach gently. It was cold, but didn't cause much discomfort. I waited for something to show up on the screen, but so far there was nothing. Then just as she was about to remove the wand from my stomach, there was a small round image on the screen.

"That there is your baby hon. You're 5 days pregnant."