words fail . . . [ IN PROGRESS ]

five

jared is definitely not the smartest person. both in the sense of school and in his life in general. his grades were slipping and at the same time, he told his parents nothing of his personal life. well, he didn't tell them of the lack of his personal life. he kept his mouth shut like he always does.

so when connor murphy and jared kleinman got into a fight, there was talk all around school. jared had gotten away with bruised knuckles and a bruise on his cheek but other than that he was fine for the most part.

what was not fine was that his parents actually showed up to the hospital ( which was more than unnecessary in jared's point of view ). 

but that's irrelevant right now.

two soft knocks on the door woke jared out of his dazed state. 

"h- hello?" a voice mumbled from the other side of the door. jared didn't say anything and instead knocked on the small metal pan by his bed, mimicking the first ones.

"jared?" the voice called again and by now, jared knew too well who it was. evan's figure walked through the door then to his bed, plopping down in the seat next to it. "w- why," he could barely get a word out, "why did- i mean, you did that. i just- wanna know um, why?"

jared looked surprised at the question. it wasn't obvious? evan hadn't noticed how whenever the two went into a comfortable silence, jared would admire evan? he hadn't noticed how absolutely stunning he looked every day? how evan's anxious habits had been engraved into jared's mind, along with everything that causes a panic attack?

jared cared for evan. he cared for evan, the delicate boy who would flinch at the smallest of movements because that's who he is. he cared for evan, the giggly boy he became when anxiety was forgotten. he cared for evan, his best friend.

he didn't love him, no, not yet. but soon, one day, he will, and it will be the most horrifying and beautiful thing to happen to jared. because not only will he be in love with his best friend, but also how in the fuck would he say that? you can't exactly write on a note "hey man, i love you and i want to go out with you".

or can you--?

whatever. the point is, jared kleinman does not plan to fall in love with his best friend. ( although, it occurs to him: if you think about being in love with your best friend this often, you're probably already there. )