Deprive

Limit

"Aaaauahhh asass bababaa", Chrishana squealed while splashing in the tub as I washed her. God…I loved my baby so much. In a daze, my eyes glued on her as she blew spit bubbles. She’s so beautiful and soft, only 3 months old and precious. Big brown eyes and her hair curls up just as Chresanto’s when it gets wet.

She can roll easily front to back. Lol she tries to roll back to front.. but can’t swing over the top half of her little body. Oh and she loves getting her feet tickled! And she’ll laugh if you scrunch up your face and copy you….its so adorable.

[ Chris- sana] Chres came up with the name. I thought is was perfect when I heard it, then I realize it sounded like some type of mixture of our names, and it was.

Speaking of Chresanto I have been doing well without him. Its been a year since I divorced Chresanto. Its been a year since he told me he was HIV positive, and its been a year since he told me his results were mixed up and he was negative. I didn’t care, the divorce was the best thing yet. I got myself together and so did he. Asia told me that he has a girlfriend and she bumped into them at the mall. The only time I see Chres is when he comes over to pick up Chrishana. She loves her Dad so much. She makes me feel bad everytime she cries when he leaves or when she has to leave me. Its makes me feel awful,  only thinking of my needs and what I wanted. Instead of what Chrishana is supposed to have as a child. Its too late for any changes now.

I thought Asia was just playing when she said he moved on, but one time I seen some girl in his car. After he placed Chrissy in her car seat, I stayed and watched him kiss the girl on the lips.

For the rest of that day I cried and I cried….thinking. “How could he just move on?" And "How could I be so stupid to just let him go?" Sometimes I regret letting him go . Majority of the times I applaud myself for making the right choice or what I thought was the right choice.

He had someone and I had Brian. No, we weren’t together, but he helped me with my baby and losing all the weight I gained. Haha.. I had to bring my sexy back.

I didn’t live with him though. I was tired of living off of a man. Once Chres signed those papers I moved out of that big ass house and got me a nice family sized, beautiful house a few blocks away from the  nearest beach.

I wrapped Chrissy into a short fuzzy pink towel and walked into my room. Placing her gently on the bed, her eyes sparkled up at me as she played with her fingers.

"Whatchu looking at", I grabbed the pink container of baby lotion, and moisturized her body. Wrapping her pamper on, and sliding on her under rainbow snap on. "Aaauh", she whined as I sat her up to zip up her full body suit. "Oh hush", I stuck her pacifier in her mouth.

~

Today I was suppose to go see Nicki. You know she has a baby too! I never expected us to have a baby around the same time. Hers was born just a few hours after mine. I was surprised that she named her baby after me. It was sweet and all, but weird that she always bought our babies matching things calling them twins. But I just brushed it off.

I was waiting for Chresanto to get here so he can pick up Chrissy for the weekend. It was 8:00 and the day would be ending in a couple of hours. I sighed playing with the sparkly zipper on Chrissy's baby bag.

Just then the door bell rang and I darted towards the doorway. "Who is it",I call out. I hear that its Chres and let him in.

"Hey", he says warmly with his eyes set on Chrissy. Wow he doesn't even care of my presence.

"Hi", I return dully folding my arms as he picks up Chrishana, she squeals. Followed by small giggles and other types of weird noises.

"Hey baby, you know daddy missed you", he kissed all over her red cheeks and she held on to his.

It made me want to cry. I have a beautiful daughter and had a good husband..... we could of been a family together. It was all his fault for being fucking crazy....I could of helped him though. Oh gosh I dont know what to think.

"You okay ?" Oh so I guess he is concerned about me.

Shit Bri don't cry just fake a smile and he will leave you alone! "I'm fine Chresanto, just take care of my baby."

He doesn't buy it! I should of known.... he always knows when something is wrong with me. "Bri I know we aren't together, but you can still talk to me".Before I could convince him, Brian came sauntering down the stairs in nothing but his boxers. Rubbing his eyes with a loud, wide yawn.

Uh oh.....maybe I forgot to mention

hehe Brian and I have been having lots of sex! I mean I couldn't help myself.