Deprive

Safety

I laid there silent, and still. So disappointed with myself. I always gave in. I was always wrapped around Chresanto's finger. He had me, here he had me. I was so stupid! I love him so much that not even me, myself, and I could understand. I felt bad, I dont even know why.. .I just feel guilty. I may need a therapist to talk to and let this all out.

I let out a long exhale. I wonder what Chresanto was thinking as he laid aside me. He looked relaxed and when I sighed his eyes began to worry. He took hold of my hand and raised it, giving it a wet peck.

"I cant keep doing this to myself", I thought.  I cleared my throat and held the covers close as I rose up. "Chresanto, I cant be with you....you had your chances and you messed  up every time. I appreciate everything you do for me, but-"

His grew furious, " But what? You obviously dont give a shit about me! You dont understand what im going through! You cant even be there for me"!

"NO! If anything I'm the only one who's been there. You freaking abusived me! I had to put of with your crazy nights and you almost killing me! Chresanto you put me through hell! I deserve better! I'm not happy with you anymore." I didnt notice till now that I was crying. He always made me cry!

"So what are you trying to say? You dont love me anymore"? I could tell by the way he looked at me he was saddened.  I stared into his eyes and seen Chresanto. The Chresanto from college and high school. I seen the first time he told me he loved me. I seen the first time we kissed, made love....I seen him falling apart.  Shattering, breaking into pieces.

"Chresanto of-". Quickly and aggressively he gathered his belongings and stormed out. I dont care anymore...I wasnt happy. I sort of felt relieved in a way. Chresanto is apart of my past now. He can easily be forgotten, I don't care that he is hurt.

Shit! I'm hurt. I turned over and snuggled into my pillow.

"What the fuck? His phone is off"! Jonnie slammed his palm onto the wall. "You sure you dont know where he went", Nicki asked. They all were tired of trying to reach Chresanto. Tasha's eyes were swollen and red. She shook her head no and clutched her pillow. For all they knew those guys could of been killed Chresanto!

"Im not gonna sit here any longer, Nicki we out"! They began to head out the door until Tasha softly murmured something.

"Am I safe here alone"?

Jonnie sighed, he didn't even like Tasha and cared less if she died. He hated the fact that Chres was even with her. However, in his heart was good. He had a certain respect towards women in regards to keeping them safe. He growled,  "Come on".

Just as Tasha went to fetch for her coat, Chresanto entered puzzled. "Whats going on? Yall good"?

"Baby I thought something happened to you", Tasha threw herself into his arms. He slowly wrapped his arms around her. "No I'm okay....whats going on".

"Niggas taking shots brah! They came threw the crib...like 5 of 'em I could of been gone brah. I think its them niggas that did that driveby as the cookout"!

"Fuck I need to make sure my baby is okay", Chresanto smacked his forehead. "Wait, you can't go back put there", Tasha sobbed.

"If anything happened to Brianna or Chrishana I couldn't live anymore, I gotta go"!

"What about me"?

Jonnie chuckled, "Chill, they dont even know about you". He murmured, "Nobody does".

"Look I promise I'll be back Tasha and in the morning we can talk everything out", he pecked her forehead lightly.

I had been slumbering so peacefully until I heard the banging on the door. Someone must have lost there damn mind. Its too early in the morning for this shit. "Baaaawaaaaaa Maaaaaamaaa", Chrissy whined in the other room waking little Bri up. Oh gosh great! Who the fuck could that be?