Nothing To Lose When You're Gone

Chapter 4

Once home, I dropped my stuff on my bed and skipped to the kitchen to get myself potato chips. I planned on watching Logan and probably many more films till I fell asleep.

Just as I got comfortable in my living room couch, my phone beeped.
I looked at it to see that I had missed four calls.
I checked only to find out that my mother had tried calling me.
The nerve of her.
I dropped my phone and pressed play on my TV remote.
The phone rang again.
Gaah I should have blocked her.

I picked up the phone.
"How did you get my number?" An abrupt loud vocal utterance escaped my salted lips.
"How many times do I have to apologize for what your father and I did to you?"the voice from the other end of the phone let out, sighing.
I rolled my eyes, "What do you want?"
"Your father and I want you to come have dinner with us"
I laughed. So hard that I was sure the people from the other side of town might have called the police to report the untoward sound they were hearing.
"Sotaar" my mother's said calmly.
"You don't get to call me that, Mrs Sanders. Now, what makes you think that I'll move from my house to your house to have dinner?"
"I know you're scared of us-"
"Woah woah woaah. I can promise you that being scared of you is the last feeling I have for you. In any case, you and that horrendous man of a husband should be scared shitless of me."
"He's your father!"
"No no no," I shook my head, "he stopped being my father fifteen years ago."
"You're hurting me Sotaar"
I ignored the fact that she called me by my first name.
"Oh I wish the hurt I'm making you feel right now could add up to the pain you made me feel!" I said through gritted teeth. "You should thank your fucking stars that I didn't file a report against you and that man.

"Now get off my freakin' phone and don't ever call me again."
I heard her sigh and then she said, "The dinner's in two days. Pass by if you can. Once again I'm truly sorry. I-"

I pressed the red button on my phone and went back to watching Logan.
A stray tear dropped on my cheeks as I thought back to my life sixteen years ago.

I was just nine when it all happened.
I sat in my little playroom as my parents watched close by from a couch they always sat in while I played with my barbie dolls.
I didn't pay much attention to them till I heard them whisper to one another. I looked at them as they looked back intently.
I remember feeling scared.
"Come," my mother had said, "Come play with us." Then she smiled.
I took my favourite teddy bear and walked to them, my oversized night dress almost tripping me.

She lifted me and sat me on her lap. She glanced at my father one last time and then planted a kiss on my neck.
At first I couldn't make out what was going on but her lips on my neck made me giggle.

She planted more kisses on my neck. She sucked on it even.
"Mom," I cried as my dad snaked his hand up my dress.
I shivered.
His overgrown hand pushed my legs apart and his fingers found their way to my cotton panty.
I tried pushing his hand away with my little hands but it was of no use.
He pushed my panty to one side and plunged his finger into me.
I wailed, shivering as I pleaded with them to stop what they were doing to me.

His fingers went deeper and deeper inside me and in one swift movement, I was on the floor, naked.
I struggled with them, trying to free myself from their grasp.
Suddenly, my father pulled out and I remember feeling glad that he had finally gone back to his senses.
All of a sudden, I felt something hot on my wee wee hole.

My own mother ate me out.

I remember crying the night after that experience. I had no idea what had just happened. I didn't know how, when or why my parents had turned all beast mode on me.

I cried myself to sleep, not sure if I'd ever be able to move again out of the intense pain I felt from what they had just done to me.
Since then, I barely ever smiled again.
My whole childhood was ruined.

I remember having to come home from school every evening only to have to suck my father's extremely large lubidoo.

My parents never let me have sleepovers because I was like their sex slave.

It wasn't until I was twenty that I had had the courage to run away.

I started my life from scratch. At least I tried to.

By the time I had come back to reality, the end credits of Logan was displayed on my TV.
I turned off the TV and went to bed.
Reminiscing on my past only made me want to commit suicide all over again.