Baby Fat

forty

"I'm sick of this place." Corrie closes his eyes. He rests his head on a fluffy pillow Jennifer brought from home. He nuzzles his face into the pillow. The pillows at the rehab center are fucked up. They've been downgraded since a few patients were able to sneak pills in the building and hide them in the pillows. Just a few people can ruin it for everyone.

"Why?" Jennifer's iPad is sitting on the table next to her. She's learned that Corrie opens up easier when he doesn't think anyone is taking notes on him. Some patients don't mind, they find that if Jennifer is taking notes she's really paying attention to them.

"Why don't you take notes on me anymore?" Corrie looks up at her. "I mean, I don't care either way but you used to always."

"Corrie," she gives him the look. "Focus."

Looking down, Corrie sighs. "Right. Sorry." He doesn't want to focus because that means he'll have to talk. Talking is hard, too hard.

"How's Devon?" Jennifer asks casually, taking a sip of her water afterwards. She sits her water back down on the table. To seem more casual, she traces the rim of her cup.

Corrie doesn't react like Jennifer hoped. He doesn't flinch, or laugh, or even look up from the ground. He's completely still.

Gazing at Corrie, Jennifer feels the urge to grab her iPad from the table. Corrie is one of the most complex people Jennifer has seen in a long while. Everyone who enters her office has a story to tell--some are more than willing to talk and others are hesitant. But Corrie, he's so different.

"I guess, he's okay." Corrie shrugs his shoulders the best he can in his position.

"Didn't he just see you a couple of days ago?" Jennifer raises an eyebrow before quickly remembering that Corrie isn't paying attention to her.

"Yeah."

"What did you guys talk about?"Corrie sighs heavily. "Stuff."

"You care to share the 'stuff' with me?"

"I have a feeling if I don't I'm going to get shit from you until I do." Corrie looks up for the first time since the start of the topic. He rolls his eyes at her.

"You're very correct." Jennifer's facial expression doesn't change.

"He doesn't want to be with me," Corrie's eyes flicker downward, "not anymore."

Jennifer nods her head, keeping her poker face. "Do you know why?"

Corrie sits up, back against the couch. He puts the pillow in his lap, and hugs it. "It's too hard. It's all too hard. I know it; he knows it."

"Why?" Jennifer's hands twitch to grab her iPad. It's not because Corrie is so fucked up that she loves taking notes on him. It's because Corrie is so complex that he is so many of her patients in one.

"Because," Corrie's voice comes out breathy. "This is fucked up," looking around, Corrie's eyes tear up. His arms fling around in front of him. "You can't even deny it."

"Are you saying that Devon wants to break up because being in a relationship is too hard because you're here, in rehab?" Jennifer knows this. She just needs Corrie to confirm with less choppy wording.

"God," Corrie sighs, "isn't that what I just said?"

"I was just making sure." Jennifer holds her hands up in surrender.

"You know, the worst feeling in the whole world has to be knowing that someone doesn't want to be with you anymore but you're too selfish to let them go. Well, it's probably not the worst feeling in the entire world but it's pretty fucking shitty." Corrie looks down at the pillow as he picks at it.