Baby Fat

forty-nine

Working up the courage to tell his mom about his fathers affair is a lot scarier than Bradley expected. Maybe it's because his mom can be a psycho bitch when she wants to be. Or maybe it's because it makes the affair way too real.

His mom is just in the other room. She's right there. She's so close. Everything is so close to crumbling down. Bradley's whole facade is going down with their marriage.

Bradley stumbles up the steps with shaky hands. This moment has been long overdue.

He makes it to the top of the steps when he hears loud voices coming from the room deemed Julianne's. He hears his mother's very calm voice from inside. He stands there silently, knowing very well that he shouldn't eavesdrop.

"Julianne, you've been under-performing. Ever since your little break," she says the word with disgust so clear that even the most clueless people could've understood it, "your dancing has been, well, average."

"Mother," Julianne's voice rings clearly. "My dancing has been fine. I was named principal dancer of the company."

"You don't see it like I do. Principal dancer means absolutely nothing. Look at me,  I was named Prima ballerina assoluta, yet that didn't stop my company from replacing me with women younger than me. You're falling out of your prime, dear. You're already twenty-three."

"For fucks sakes, Mother. I'm not you. Just because you retired early doesn't mean I'm going to. I know, God do I know. Every ballerina looks up to you. They worship you. They cry when they watch your dancing tapes. They can't believe that you just mysteriously retired out of nowhere. You need to stop putting all of your insecurities onto me." Julianne practically screeches.

So much for a happy family reunion.

There's silence before his mother says the harshest thing he's ever heard come out of her mouth. "You're a laughing stock. Not just within your company, it's everywhere. People show up to my events and they ask what's going on with you. They ask me why your dancing ins't as exceptional as it usually is. They tell me that they don't want me to follow in my footsteps. I try and tell them you won't, but, you are. One of these days you're going to get knocked up with a child that ruins it all. All the fame and all the glory of ballet is suddenly gone, like that. Because you got my genes and our bodies don't allow us to return to how we once were."

Julianne's voice waivers. "Many dancers have children and return to dancing. It's not uncommon. You were an exception."

"You want to know why I retired? Why at the peak of my career I suddenly announced I was done? It was because I found out I was pregnant."

Bradley hears the door opening so he runs down the steps. He runs all the way to his car. He doesn't know what to do.

He finally made up his mind. He had a plan. But, now he doesn't even know if his mother is worth it. Is there even a point in telling her?

She's a bitch. Not that he needed anymore proof, but that conversation he just overheard is more than enough. So, why even inform her about her fucking marriage. She has to know it's already going to shit. It's been shit since the beginning, right?

But, maybe not. Bradley doesn't know what it was like when they were dating. When their love was a new and fragile thing. Just because it's bad now doesn't mean that it was always bad.

However, Bradley's chest hurts. His mind hurts. Everything is so hard because he's keeping his secrets as well as everyone else's. His mothers, his fathers, Julianne's. He's just so tired. He's tired of everyone having these secrets.

So, fuck wrong and right. Fuck loyalty to his dad. Fuck everyone.

He can't do it anymore.

Bradley marches back into his house. He yells "Mom" at the tops of his lungs. His mother comes waltzing out of the kitchen into the living room. Julianne walks down the steps in sweatpants and a sweatshirt. It's very different compared to his mother's skin tight, royal blue, knee length dress and black stilettos.