Camren Oneshots

Seven Saturdays

It was the first Saturday of the month when she got out of that place when she asked me if we could already celebrate her birthday. I agreed and made sure I've invited everyone. Her parents, the girls, our friends from college, everyone. I told them to not forget to yell "Happy Birthday Lauren!" with so much enthusiasm. I want to make sure that she will remember this day. I want to make this Saturday the most special out of all the Saturdays in the calendar. I even got her a new journal since hers were already worn and frayed at the sides. She received it wholeheartedly and with a big smile on her face. She was so happy because everyone was there for her. We celebrated her birthday with everyone even if it's still 3 months away. Even if it really isn't her birthday yet.

The second Saturday of the month, I asked her if I could take her out on a date. She eagerly agreed with a big smile on her face that sent the butterflies in my stomach to ravage my insides. It was the smile that I remember from when we first met and it is the same smile she reserved only for me.

We went to the beach and had a picnic while reminiscing the past and laughing at our most ridiculous moments. 6 years of being together yet her laugh still never failed to make my insides turn to mush.

3 days before the third Saturday of the month, she went back to the place she so badly want to escape. I visited her that day and saw how fragile she looked laying on the large bed. She was paler than normal and her gorgeous hair that she frequently brushes when nervous was slowly thinning. She looked tired.

That third Saturday of the month, she asked me, "Camz, can you lay down with me?" while patting the space beside her. A small smile residing on her lips. I was quick to oblige and laid carefully by her side. I would do anything for her. I would do anything just to elevate her pain. I would do anything just to bring back those glory days. I would absolutely do anything.

The fourth Saturday of the month, I asked her if she wants to go to the art museum downtown. I know how she loves staring at beautiful paintings, trying to decipher the emotion and story behind the canvas. She weakly agreed while wearing an equally weak smile that made me doubt my intention. I was having second thoughts if we should still go but she seemed really eager albeit tired. We spent the afternoon leisurely walking around the place, looking at art pieces and artifacts. The look of wonder and a small hint of tiredness was written on her face the whole day. She also wore a smile albeit small, it spoke volumes on how happy she was that day. Unbridled happiness was also shining on her green eyes, her face glowing. It elicited a smile to stretch across my lips.

The fifth Saturday, her situation worsened. Her health significantly dropped. She couldn't even lift her pen to write on her journal, something that she did everyday since we met. She looked paler, thinner, more tired. She had bags under her eyes, she couldn't speak for a long time because it takes too much of her energy. Everything she did, even the slightest movement, had her breathing deeply due to tiredness. Every muscle in her body hurts, even lifting a finger hurts. She started coughing blood and all I could do is cry while trying to help her. She was in so much pain and I can't do anything to help her. I feel inadequate. But even amidst these tortures, she remained smiling. She remained compassionate, even if life is already killing her at the age of 25, she never blamed it. She thrived through every pain and I deeply admire her for being so tough.

The sixth Saturday was our last Saturday together. She passed away, leaving everyone behind to endure the pain of her loss. She left me with a pain shaped like a knife deeply lodged in my chest. I didn't even get the chance to say goodbye, she died in her sleep. I cried heavily all day. I, myself, was surprised that I still have so much tears left even with all the crying I've done. The pain lingered, it never ceased. Every night, when i lay on bed, memories of our time together would surface and tears would start to gather under my eyes while slowly travelling down my cheeks. Her scent was everywhere and every corner and nook of our apartment, memories and flashbacks of her will appear. I couldn't stop thinking of her and I couldn't stop hurting.

The seventh Saturday was the day I decided to clean our apartment. I was going to move in with my parents. I needed time to heal and every crevice of that place just reminds me of her.

I was rummaging through the drawer to find something to wear when my hand touched a familiar leather. It was Lauren's journal, the one I gave her for her birthday. Tears start to congregate on my eyes and a significant lump formed in my throat. I quickly lifted the cover to find that she didn't wrote anything on it aside for the letter addressed for me at the first page, it still looked new and untouched.

The words written on that piece of paper brought more tears to fall down my cheeks. Violent sobs rocked my whole body. Flashbacks of our time together, happy and sad, flooded my mind. I miss her so much. I miss her so fucking much.

In her feminine and neat cursive written was this,

"I'm sorry I had to leave but I'm really tired and just want to sleep. Thank you for loving me for 6 long happy years. I love you, I love you so much Camz. Goodbye."