I'm such a bad sister. I'm selfish. Right now I don't know why I'm doing this. It doesn't feel right anymore.
But I want it... Right? I wanted it that's for sure. Otherwise, I didn't start with it. Nobody knows about this.
Well except for one person...
Lauren.
She is helping me. I told her because I was feeling bad about it and I know she won't tell it to anyone. Don't get me wrong but Katherine can give amazing advice and won't tell it that fast to someone, but with something like this. She would've told it to someone. That's why I can't trust her.
And Lauren wouldn't do a thing like that. Because that's how she is. But still... It doesn't feel right. I'm betraying my sisters. I'm betraying everyone. Especially the fact that I'm doing this secretly.
"Lisa?" I hear a voice asking me quiet. I look at the door and see Lauren her head from the other side. "Yeah..?" I ask her. She walks into the room. She sits next to me on my bed.
"James said.." she tries to begin but I cut her off immediately. "Shhh! Amy is at home. She can hear us" I whisper back at her. Amy can't know.
"Okay.." she whispers back. "Well, James said that you've to sign the contract this week. If you don't he will not give you this chance again" she whispers while looking into my eyes directly. In her eyes, I can see the fear of me getting upset clearly.
"Oh, no.. I can't choice already... Lauren what should I do?" I whisper/ask her. "Uhmm... I think you should do it" she whispers back whiles she is looking at her lap and playing with her fingers. Should I do it? It's not the best idea. But it's surely something I want to do. It's something I really want to do. But I've to tell them if I do this.
"Why?" I ask her curiously. "You already did an audition and you came through, it's a shame if you back out right now." She says honestly forgetting to talk quietly just like I forgot to do. It's not like Amy is standing at the other side of the door listening to our conversation.
"Yeah, I did... But the others will get mad at me" I say getting really afraid. I'm breaking the promise. They will never trust me again. Is this worth it that much? This is my dream. This is my purpose of life.
"They probably will. But they will also understand you! I think.." she says the last part a little unsure. "I hope.." I say while staring into nothing.
"Does this mean you're going to do it?" Lauren asks me unsure. Am I going to do it? Just like Lauren said this is maybe my only chance. Ever. If I do not do these people are never going to take me seriously again. I will get this chance never again. It's unprofessional to back out right now. I'm going to do it. Yes.
"Yes... I'm going to sign that contract to become solo singer" I say more to myself. I'm going to become a solo singer.
I'M GOING TO BECOME A SOLO SINGER!
Immediately I feel myself getting happy. This is what I wanted. To become a solo singer. Not that singing with my sisters is bad. I just want to do completely my own thing. In this band, we're all so different. So our music is also different. I just want to make music I like. Because there are songs I not like from ourselves. Because it's just not my taste of music.
And I want to make my own taste of music. My own kind. Music where I can be proud of. I want to be proud of my own music.
But... I have to tell the other girls. I have to begin with the process of writing songs. I have to... I have to... I have to do so much.
"Hey, Lisa?" Lauren asks. "Are you alright?" She asks me. I see the worry in her eyes. I snap out of my trance. "Yeah... I'm okay. I just can't believe I decided what I want. I decided." I say and nobody can get the smile off my face right now. Till my own thoughts have to destroy it again. "But how am I going to tell the girls?" I ask her worried. "Don't worry about that right now Lise. Just concentrate on your happiness. We will see how we're going to tell them. And I'm going to help you. You will not be alone" Lauren says looking into my eyes.
Why do I have such a sweet little sister? I don't deserve her kindness. But she is just so kind to everyone.
"Thank you Lauren" I whisper while I hug her. I tighten my arms around her. "It's going to be okay" Lauren whispers back. I feel her long hairs on my arms. It feels weird since I don't have long hair anymore.
"I have to go, mom has dinner ready in 10 minutes and I promised her I would participate it. Are you also coming with me? Or are you eating here?" She asks me. I shake my head. "I'm eating here, you can go. But tomorrow I will probably eat by mom and dad. Are you also there?" I ask her. It's kinda weird since I don't live at home anymore.
But I have my own room so that's probably the best thing.
" I don't know maybe I'm going to do something with Marian. But otherwise, I will be there" Lauren says smiling at me. Then she walks away to drove to her home. I watch her walk away. Leaving me alone with my own thoughts.
And I can't help but feel bad about my decision
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The end of the third chapter :). As you can see I'm first doing all the girls so you can find out all their secrets. I try to make their reasons why they can't tell good enough, but maybe they will sound to some points a little bit dumb. Like why can't you just tell?
But remember they are afraid! And they don't know what they're dealing with. You never know what people are thinking. And how they will react! And that's why they don't tell everything to eachother.
