Only Him

Chapter 25

*Dimitri*

"Its terrifying isn't it?" Mikhail said suddenly. Dimitri looked up from where he'd been gathering napkins and shoving them in the to-go bag, confused. Mikhail had managed to drag him away from Rose for a few minutes, even if it was to go get her éclairs from her favorite breakfast place. His mind had been consumed with a whirlwind of thoughts and he didn't understand what his friend was asking. Mikhail expanded on his question. "The idea of becoming a father."

"Oh," Dimitri said, surprised that Mikhail had managed to guess his thoughts. Not that it would have been too hard, he realized. This was all he'd been thinking about since Rose had come home safely the two days before. He moved away from the counter and out of the shop before responding. "A bit."

"Don't get me wrong," the other guardian said, easily keeping pace with Dimitri's long strides. "When Sonya told me she was pregnant I was about as happy as I've ever been. But after the initial happiness settles a bit, worry creeps in."

Dimitri veered off of their current path, electing instead to sit on a small abandoned bench to the right of the path. The foot traffic was steady and he watched passers by as he settled on the bench and formed a reply.

"Does it ever go away?" he asked at last. "The worry?" He was over the moon happy about the baby, of course. But his conversation with Rose the day before had brought back a tumult of emotions, chief among them was worry and doubt.

Mikhail shook his head. "Its hard for us. Dhampir women grow up knowing that they'll most likely have children. But us? We grow up knowing that we almost certainly won't. To go from that knowledge to suddenly having it not only be a possibility but a reality...well it's a shock. And then you have to worry. Not only do you have to deal with the fear of being a good father but also you wonder what you set your kid up for. To know what kind of a world I've brought Mandy into," he shrugged helplessly. "Sometimes it makes me wonder if it's the right thing to do. She'll have to deal with the stigma of her parents pasts, an unfair society where she's considered second class and of course there are the Strigoi she'll one day face."

Dimitri felt his own worries reflected in Mikhail's. They weren't dissimilar, the two of them and their situations. Both men who never thought they'd be fathers, wondering not only how the world will view their child for having a dhampir father instead of the traditional dhampir mother, but about who their parents were in particular: an ex-Strigoi, a guardian with a rough past.

"But I wouldn't trade her for the world," Mikhail continued, features softening as he thought of his daughter. "The day she was born—holding her for the first time—it was perhaps the singular best day of my life, equal maybe to the day you brought Sonya back to me. I wake up every day and see her and I can't regret anything. All those worries seem pointless, just 'what if's' that may never come true. Mandy is real and that's what counts."

Mikhail was right. It terrified Dimitri to think that he'd have a daughter who one day might face off against Strigoi bigger than her. To worry that his son would be on the front lines in the fight against evil. But...that was who they were. Dhampir's were built for those odds. He might have a daughter who was small but she would be Rose's daughter, trained and skilled and in every way her mothers equal. He might have a son who grew up to be strong like him, with a strong moral compass that almost demanded he protect others at all costs.

Ultimately it would be their choice. It was Dimitri's job as their father to provide them with everything they needed to know to make that choice on their own.

"It's daunting," he agreed at last. "Its one thing to deal with issues on your own. It's another to picture your child doing it when all you want to do is protect them. But every time I look at Rose—every time I think about the child—I am so happy. Seeing the sonogram the other day," he shook his head a small, awed smile playing on his lips as he recalled the sound of the heartbeat and the soft movements of tiny limbs. "I never imagined witnessing something so amazing."