Only Him

Chapter 18

When I'd been in jail for the murder of Queen Tatiana I'd contemplated the difference between a sterile cell and one with rats for company. At the time I had decided that I'd take the one with rats because I couldn't imagine staying sane in the other. I'd been so sure back then but when I woke up to an actual rat staring at me it kind of changed my perspective a little. I shrieked and launched myself backwards in a clumsy maneuver to get away. It was difficult without the use of my arms and the heavy chain around my ankle didn't help much either. I finally managed to collapse into the corner I'd sought shelter in the first day, leg extended at an awkward angle to accommodate the shortness of the chain.

"Okay Rose," I said to myself. "You can manage this. There are worse thing than rats."

Boy were there ever.

I had no idea how long I'd been here. Marlen hadn't returned since our first conversation and there was no change in the lighting of my cell to mark the passage of time. My stomach was screaming for food, though, and I seriously needed to pee so some time had passed. My arms were completely numb now, pinned behind my back as they were. At first the pins and needles of nerves falling asleep had been maddening but that had since faded into complete numbness.

When would Marlen return? Not that I was overly thrilled at the prospect of his company but I hated this limbo stage of waiting for the worst. Marlen had said that he needed me for something. When would he get to that point? Surely Dimitri knew I was gone by now. The first thing Lissa would have done after realizing I'd been taken would be to call him home.

Looking at the situation realistically I knew Hans wouldn't send a rescue party for me. I couldn't blame him either, though I wished I could. Sometimes I missed the old me, the one who would get mad at people for following the rules when they were obviously stupid. I'd matured since then; I'd seen too many cases where the rules actually did help to dismiss them automatically. I knew my situation was bad. I couldn't see outside my cell but I'd heard enough murmured conversations and footfalls to know that a significant number of Strigoi were in the building. Even if the guardians could figure out where I was—not that I even knew where I was—it went against everything we stood for to risk the lives of so many just to save one person.

So I didn't expect a rescue from Hans. But I also knew that Dimitri would never just sit around and wait for something to happen. I knew with absolute certainty that he and my friends would be hell bent on getting me back. The thought brought an unexpected welling of love and fear racing through me. I loved my friends so much that it meant the world to me that they'd even attempt something so risky but it also terrified me to think that I could lose some of them in the process.

I took several deep breaths as I leaned my head back against the cold wall. I needed to control my emotions; it wouldn't do for Marlen to walk in and see me bawling like a baby right now.

But man did I want to. I wanted it to be okay for me to be weak for a moment. I wanted just a few minutes where I could feel sorry for myself and just hope someone else would fix all my problems. Sadly, that wasn't my life. I was in the business of protecting and saving others, it was my duty to be strong all the time. Even more so now that I was going to be a mom. Moms didn't get to sit around and cry when there was a problem. They had to fix it.

I had to fix this problem, too. I got my emotions under control and once again went over my options. Nothing immediately jumped out at me. Maybe I could ask for a bathroom break and make a run for it then. It didn't seem likely, though, considering my overall lack of knowledge when it came to my surroundings.

My options within the cell were limited. While my leash didn't allow me full range of the cell it did allow me some movement. What really limited my options were my hands. I couldn't keep my balance well with them locked behind me let alone use a weapon or brute force. Without being released from those bonds I was fairly helpless. And if I was released from my bonds there was another issue. I hadn't eaten in days, I was weak, dehydrated and my head was starting to get the feeling of being stuffed with cotton. What was the likelihood that I could have fast enough reaction times to take advantage of any opportunity I was presented with?