The Fire Within

Chapter 26

“The will of God prevails. In great contests each party claims to act in accordance with the will of God. Both ‘may’ be, and one ‘must’ be, wrong. God cannot be ‘for’ and ‘against’ the same thing at the same time. In the present civil war it is quite possible that God's purpose is something different from the purpose of either party - and yet the human instrumentalities, working just as they do, are of the best adaption to effect His purpose. I am almost ready to say that this is probably true - that God wills this contest, and wills that it shall not end yet. By His mere great power, on the minds of the now contestants, He could have either ‘saved’ or ‘destroyed’ the Union without human contest. Yet the contest began, and, having begun He could give the final victory to either side any day. Yet the contest proceeds.”

― Abraham Lincoln

May 23, 1864

Taking a deep breath… in… out… in… out… The metallic scent of blood fills the tent as the moans of the injured resonate down into the very marrow of the survivors. The toll of the battle at Spotsylvania was greater than anyone could have imagined. The Union army lost 33000 men to either injury or death and for no clear winner. Both armies sustained heavy causalities. The smell of death is something that people never get used to. Even days later, the death toll continues to rise, as does the pile of severed limbs outside of the tent.

Grace moves from wounded to wounded, trying to keep her mind on her work. Her worries increasing daily. It has been three days since the fighting stopped completely, but she has yet to see Zachariah anywhere and Ezekiel is still fighting for his life. He was able to keep his arm in spite of the devastating injury he sustained, but he will no longer be able to use that arm in any manner. Despite the good fortune of not losing his arm, he’s still not out of the woods. Infection is wracking his body causing him to have a high fever and making it impossible to move him. Grace tries desperately to keep his fever down and to help him through this, without Ezekiel, little Emanuel will be all alone in the world. She can’t let that happen.

No news has come in from the battle, the men transporting the wounded to the hospital tent don’t seem to know where the officers are, if they have all survived or what is happening. Not knowing about her husband is killing Grace. She finds herself tearing up more often than not and when she’s alone in her tent trying to rest, she cries herself to sleep. She’s never felt as alone as she does right now. With Mary gone, Ezekiel in peril, and Zachariah missing, she doesn’t know if she will be able to go on. Zachariah always believed her to be the strongest woman he’s ever met, but without him she’s devastated. This war has come with too many tragedies, too many losses. How can they ever be able to survive as a country if they can’t bring this war to an end?

On the night of May 28, 1864, Grace finds herself in tears again. As soon as she was able to take a break, she checked one last time on Ezekiel before retiring for some well-earned rest. Since the end of the battle she has been working eighteen hour days, as have the other nurses and the doctors, trying to mend as many wounded as they could. A week later, they are finally beginning to see the results of their hard work. Soldiers are beginning to either be moved to their homes or they are leaving on their own to rejoin the Union forces.

A week, and still no news about Zachariah. One of the soldiers that was moving the wounded thought he saw Zachariah with General Grant, moving their forces back toward the north to recoup. The problem is, he wasn’t positive and his beliefs just aren’t enough for Grace. She desperately wants to know what has come of her husband, so much so that she keeps taking out James’ uniform and contemplating going to find him herself. The only thing currently keeping her at the hospital tent is Ezekiel. Over the past week his fever has come down, but he’s still weak. She sits with him every day, talking to him and trying to keep him calm. As soon as he’s healed enough, she’s arranged for a carriage to take him back to Philadelphia to heal and to be with his family and so he can be with Emanuel.