The Fire Within

Chapter 18

July 17, 1863

Diary Entry

I’m not sure when or why I decided to keep this journal, but it is currently my only means of keeping my thoughts from driving me mad. It seems that placing my thoughts on paper is helping me to manage my worries and fears. To keep them in check, like a good soldier should.

It’s been a week since I left the comfort of my home and returned to my life as a soldier. In the month that I’ve been away, things have changed severely. I used to know where to find the units that I was searching out as a courier. In the week since I left my home, I have yet to encounter a single Union unit in my travels. I don’t know where Zachariah is, I don’t know where Ezekiel is. I only know that I’m alone and suddenly questioning my decision to bring James back.

News of my departure must have reached Ezekiel by now, therefore Zachariah must know also. I wonder if he will be angry with me for leaving on my own knowing what could be out there waiting for me. Isaiah could still be pursuing me, I could fall into the clutches of the Rebs at any moment. Yet I don’t go back. I know my way home. I do. But I can’t bring myself to go back there, not to Zachariah’s house, not without him.

I never once expected to fall in love, especially as a soldier. I never expected to become so enthralled with another person that their very presence could change my mood completely. And the absence of them makes my body physically ache from the longing to be near them. I never even knew that kind of love would even exist for me. But now that I’ve found it, there’s no way that I’m going to let it slip away from me.

I can’t keep riding with no destination, no purpose, so instead of going home I’ve decided that it would be best to return to Bethesda. To return to the place that I first felt like a whole person. I know that there is nothing there for me right now, but something about returning there feels right.

***

July 20, 1863

The thunderous sound of hooves rumble through the forests of Virginia as the group of Union soldiers make their way back toward Maryland. Two weeks after the Battle of Gettysburg, and already the fight is being considered one of the bloodiest of the war so far. The fighting has slowed drastically as both southern and northern armies try to recoup their losses and strengthen their ranks.

Zachariah received two letters that morning before turning back toward Maryland. One from his beloved wife just after Gettysburg and one from Ezekiel telling him that James left Philadelphia on July 14th and hasn’t been seen since.

As soon as Zachariah found out that Grace did indeed reincarnate James, he turned his legion around and began pushing Bronte as hard as he could back toward Maryland where Ezekiel said he would be stationed until Zachariah’s return.

After two days of almost endless riding, Zachariah trots into camp with his troops in tow. They are exhausted and ready for a break. None of them knows what forced their colonel to push them so hard to return so quickly, and none of them questions. They know better than to question the orders of their colonel.

Zachariah dismounts Bronte and rushes to Ezekiel’s tent. He bursts in to find Ezekiel sitting there, head in his hands, looking exhausted and beaten.

“Where is she? Is there any word?” Zachariah asked worried.

“I don’t know. I’ve sent soldiers everywhere from Philadelphia to Gettysburg and as far south as Fairfax. No one has seen hide nor hair of Abraxas or Grace.”

“I don’t understand, she knows these woods better than almost any other. Where could she be? Do you think Isaiah found her?”

“Impossible, Isaiah is at your house with his wife, Mary, and the others. He was severely wounded in Gettysburg, he’s healing and in no shape to go anywhere on his own. He may never be able to leave the confines of the north again. His doctors don’t believe that he will ever recover enough to safely make the journey back to South Carolina.”