Gasoline // joshler

chapter- two

I'm still surprised, but somewhat relieved that Tyler was nowhere to be seen after first period. His name was still called in three of my other classes, so I would expect to see him.  

Why am I still thinking of this?

Before I knew it school ended and I'm walking home realizing that there is nothing I can benefit from planning out his schedule. I'm trying my best to change the topic in my mind, but it always returns to his bruised face winking at me. While I'm analyzing the situation, I get distracted again resulting in me almost running into the white car.  

"You should be more careful when your crossing the street, you could get badly hurt", The woman kindly said.  

Thankfully they forgive my idiotic self and weren't going to cite me for my carless action so I formulated the best 'thank you' response being, "I will, I'm sorry I was just a bit overwhelmed with... classwork." 

Of course, I mess that up too, I sounded too nervous and unsure. 

All they do is nod and give me a thumbs up, while slowly starting to move again towards wherever they're going. 

Quickly after that encounter I made it to my house, I'm so happy to see my house. My safe space from all the chaos assorted in a said to be 'perfect environment'. But even here I can hear talk of Tyler. I can faintly hear my parent's conversation and it happens to be there are other older people, I could only assume they're neighbors. I can make out certain portions of their conversations, from what I could understand is that the neighbors cared little for Tyler and wanted him to just disappear. This is the first time I have ever heard someone wish malice on another citizen, since it's rude and extremely frowned upon. But no one seemed to stop them, but as mean and uncalled for as it was, it was true. If Tyler kept going down this route, he'd be dead by twenty.  

Death at 20 years-old was almost unheard of, it was basically a rumor at this point. But there was too much evidence proving its existence, people still denied it and it has just become the norm. If you believed it existed, you were looked at as a crazy person. 

My fist clenched at this point, I still don't know this kid and I'm subconsciously defending him. I really needed a shower, I just need to wash away this day. The adults were too preoccupied in their conversation to notice an agitated teen walk past the entrance of the room. With each step, I take, their voices fade and with each step my fist slowly loosen its tight grip on nothing.  

The water makes me wince from its cold beginning, but that quickly fades into its well welcomed, warm flow. Water is a mysterious thing... why does it bring the weirdness out of you? Like now when I'm talking to myself about shower thoughts, not normal. But, I just allow my mind to wonder and wonder. I just stand in the warm water idle, only letting my mind explore the vast network that are my thoughts.  

"Maybe he likes me," those are hollow words that echo quietly throughout the bathroom, the idea is absurd but it is plausible. Since he has so many citations, the Government wouldn't let Tyler in the rotation to be United. But then again, he would be either killed or sent to the worst work sectors for not being 'normal'. But does he even care about punishments anymore? He skipped most school after first period. I wonder how his parents feel about him, do they even love him?  

The water cut off, I didn't realize that I used my allotted time. I didn't even scrub. In defeat, I attempt to use whatever moisture I have on my body to clean what I can.  

I would go downstairs and eat but my stomach decided it's not hungry today. After today's events, I'm more confused than ever, they were unimportant events, but for some reason they affect me so much. Even hugging my soft, fluffy pillow won't get rid of the annoying thoughts plaguing my mind. 

I'm going to be forced to eat eventually, someone's going to drag me down there. Why do we have to do what they want us to do?  I'm just a human, I have my own thoughts... do I? The shadows appeared on the wall just in time, just in time for me to burry those forbidden ideas. The bed is too hot now, I'm sweating. How could I forget about Unity, how could I forget that Unity happens after my eighteenth birthday? 

I don't want to be United, sure this is like a dream for almost every teen turning eighteen. But for me, this is a nightmare. The government established Unity to control the population, when they need more citizens they tell the United population to make more children. But If your 'gay' that's not going to work for you or the government they want more workers not actual love. They just Unite you with someone that is like you, someone that share the same strengths and weaknesses, someone with 'good genes'.  

I don't fit in with the crowd, I always stand out. I can barely have a conversation with someone without almost breaking down. Not to mention I might be 'gay' for some kid I barely even know. That's the big one, the fact that I even know the definition of the word 'gay' should say something.  

 Being 'gay' I think, means that you love someone of the same gender. The reason I'm not sure of this is because the Government removed several words that could threaten the power of the government. I only know this is because they're words that are whispered in the streets. One of the most iconic words is 'Freedom'.  

Word Count: 1,073