when we got home, my mom made us dinner but i wasnt very hungry despite not eating for basically a whole day and went up to my room.
all i did was worry, and if peter fucking died, what if troye does? he's in critical condition after all.
i should have done something, i could have stopped this. this is my fucking fault.
i should have followed them, went to peter's house. i-i could have gotten troye in time if i hadn't fallen asleep. i should have seen this coming. i did see this coming and i didnt stop it!
"i let troye go out with fucking peter even though i knew it was a bad idea!" i yelled while pacing around my room.
"troye could be fucking dead right now because of me!" i could feel my blood course through my veins, crazed anger, unforgivable anger.
"he doesnt fucking deserve this! HE DOESNT DESERVE THIS LIFE" i yelled and punched my fist straight through the wall. a whole is there now, kinda reminds me of my own heart.
i started to cry, "he doesnt deserve to die"
"i should have been there! i shouldnt have let him go, it should have been me!" i started uncontrollably sobbing and didnt even hear my door open or feel my parents presence because all i craze is troyes'.
my ugly sobs were too loud, i couldnt hear myself think, i couldnt calm down. troye's probably dead right now and my parents just arent telling me.
after my mom gave me a talk to reassure me that everything would be alright (i was not reassured), i took a shower to rid myself of my horrible smell.
i hopped in and of course i was out of shampoo, so i got out of the shower with my soaking wet body and opened my cabinet under the sink where i keep all my bathroom stuff to get my shampoo. while i was getting it i saw a thing that looked like a book under my pile of toilet paper, interesting.
i took a note to myself to check it out later.
