i dont understand anything anymore.
i know im being overdramatic, and other people have gone through worse stuff, but i just really need support right now.
ive been pretending to be ok and happy for a while now, but i dont know if i can keep doing this.
its now summer vacation for me, so i should be updating more, right?
wrong. my writers block is so real right now.
it could be because ive been really depressed recently.
here's why.
the day before my last day of school, i was sent screenshots of a conversation my "friends" had on skype.
it was a whole chatroom they had, of "bonding" and i wasnt in it, which doesnt bother me, but it was also for complaints.
i thought we were all a squad, and we would be friends for a long time.
they all hated me.
the pictures were of the chat, saying how they all hated me, that i caused drama between them, that i was "lucky" with my situation, which is partly true, but honestly, not really.
im in the situation where im lucky enough to have a home, and food, and money, but is that all worth it, if u spend ur days feeling worthless, like the world is against u, and that no matter what u do, people will only look at ur flaws?
where u feel like just killing urself would make things better?
dont worry, im getting over my depression, but its been coming back thanks to these awful things said, and im lucky enough to have other friends who help me through this, but its still hard.
all of this really got to me, and i spent that night crying.
the next morning, i told myself i didnt need them, and that i was better off without them.
now, they have the nerve to say they dont hate me, and only hate when im negative.
when in reality, they called me several bad things, and said i had an ugly laugh, and pretty much made it clear that they hated me.
i dont know who to trust anymore, and i dont know how to make friends. its always been hard for me to make friends.
and ive been trying to learn how to record, so i can fufill a goal of mine to try to be a youtuber.
i doubt itll happen, but i can try.
i love u guys, and thank you for reading.
~kat
