1. I have to wear a clingy swim suit. Because no matter how hard I try, nothing fits my body
2. My body is on display. So much skin exposed for the voltures to devour with their god awful eyes. Staring at the ins and outs of my curved body
3. The sun beats on my white complexion, burning my flesh leaving enough blisters for me to pick and heal for over a week.
4. The water always gets in my mouth and nose, the bitter chlorine filling my air ways and I panic. Though I am above water, I can't help but feel ever so helpless as the water finds it's way into my breathing pattern
5. My cutting scars are plain to see
6. My fresh cuts are plain to see. My pain written on my limbs, crystal clear. My insecurities creep in worsening this anxiety. I feel my heart beat in my throat.
7. Its fucking cold. Always
8. Watching the kids play in the shallow end reminds me of the childhood I did not have. Instead of learning to swim, I learned how to mend my wounds after my mother broke skin again. The bullies teased me for my scars and bruises, the only gift my mother gave me. No matter how hard I tried alcohol on my cuts didn't heal them faster than my classmates could spot them. While they swam in the pool careless and free, I am careful not to get my blood on the carpet again
