Just Kidding | ✔️

Chapter 56: The Ache

♡

After Cooper left last night, it was long and tough. Filled with an excessive blood loss through vomiting along with aching joints and burning heat.

I asked Riley to forget picking me up this morning and have Lora take me to school. I know Lora and James have informed me that I shouldn't go to school but I ache just to be able to see my friends and laugh alongside them again. Even if I'm not quite sure how to.

I know I should tell everyone but I can't bear to give them the news of my condition. It's hard enough knowing that Lora and James are aware of my sickness. Millie doesn't know of it yet but how would we tell her? She won't understand, her mind won't be able to wrap around the news.

The doors leading into school, come quicker than I had intended they would when Lora drops me off. As I walk down the nearly empty hallway and towards the lunchroom in the early morning. My thick sweatpants and Cooper's hoodie, hide the bruises that have exceeded their usual limit.

Taking a seat in the lunchroom at our usual table, I lean my head against my arms on the surface of the table and shut my eyes. Welcoming sleep. It's odd, everything that used to work inside of me no longer begs for life as it closes off access and shrivels away.

As time comes and passes, I'm unable to sleep. With the cheery sounds of laughter and happiness emitting from the hallways and echoing in the walls of the cafeteria, it keeps me alive and awake. Sadly.

I can hardly imagine laughing like I used to but I'll try my hardest. For the ones I love, I'll keep their spirits high until time has run out and the truth is spilled.

I watch as the sun starts to rise outside of the window. A cloudless day is upon us, the wind is high and the temperature is low. Among the students parking in the last remaining spots in front of school, I come upon Riley who gets out of her car.

Her ear is attached to the phone in her hand, she bobs her head up and down excitedly. A carefree smile playing at her lips.

"Kyla? Is that you?" Chloe chimes from behind me and I quickly twist around to come face to face with her relieved smile. "Oh thank goodness." She laughs under her breath.

I think of smiling or laughing but I'm thankful she speaks again before I get the chance to fake another expression. "If you see Chris, let me know." Her head is held captive by the phone in front of her.

"Why?" I sniffle.

"Because. . ." Tapping her screen she pulls away and smiles. "I left my bra at his house last night and I told him to give it back once he gets here."

"Oh." I answer. Putting as much pep as I can into it but it wasn't enough.

"Woah, are you-" Chloe begins to pull off my hoodie but is stopped by the loud voice of her boyfriend from afar.

"Did you want this?" Chris dangles the black bra between his fingers when walking up to us.

Chloe gasps, yanking the bra from his hands and shoving it into her backpack. "Not in the middle of the cafeteria, Chris."

Just then the cafeteria doors burst open and followed by Riley, comes my brother and my boyfriend. They're stern expressions match their stomping feet.

"There She is." Riley points causally, watching as the two come at me ferociously.

"What's going on?" Riley asks by the time Cooper and Blake have reached me.

"Nothing-"

"Cooper told me you threw up last night." Blake crosses his arms over his chest.

"Good poisoning." I shrug. I'm getting better at this whole lying-thing.

"Cut the bullshit. You may think we're stupid, Kyla. But we're not." Blake steps closer. "Now what's going on?"

"I'm sick." I sigh. "Throwing up, fever, fatigue. It's just a case of the flu." Lying doesn't feel great coming out, but what they don't know won't kill them.

"That doesn't explain those red spots I saw on your leg." Cooper demands. His eyes scrutinize me.

Time slows as I try and rack up some lie to build up next. "It's some weird case of the flu. I don't know, I'm not a doctor!" I throw my hands up.

"Kyla, What's going on?" Chloe reaches out for me.

"Nothing!" I fume. Storming past them and out of the lunchroom altogether. Burying my face in Cooper's hoodie, I begin to sob, watching as the world around me blurs and the sounds frown out in my desolation.

Ignoring the dizzy sensation, I continue towards where I've memorized is the direction of the restroom. Half way there and I bump into a hard body. "Watch where you're going." Dawson scoffs. That voice isn't one I fear any longer now that I have much more to dread.

"S-Sorry." I gulp and ready to jog the rest of the way to salvation but the hoodie is yanked and my face is exposed. Pink cheeks and red puffy eyes, I'm staring into Dawson's brown ones.

"What happened?" He asks. Not that there is any true expression or concern, but the fact that he asked in general is new.

"Since when do you care?" I writhe from his iron grip and thankfully manage to make it into the bathroom before I'm stopped by anyone else.

The bell rings after five minutes of sitting in the stall and muffling my sobs in my hand. I don't head to class right away like I should. Instead I continue to cry my eyes out until I'm drained of tears.

This is harder than I had imagined it would be and even then I thought of it being near to impossible.
Because, watching as my friends only worry but don't break, giggle but never laugh, cry but never sob, and fear but never shake, it's agonizing. I know that once I admit the truth, I'll watch as they completely shatter right before my eyes.

They're not broken yet and I don't intend on being the one to do so. So for now, I will watch and wait.

I will watch them go on without me; every step of the way.