Breakaway | d.h

Chapter Sixteen

"Just fucking do it,"

"I- I can't."

"Of course not. By the time you finally make your mind up it'll be too late."

I covered my face with the pillow as I felt tears form in my eyes. I wasn't in any sort of pain of course. Dan was the most gentle human on earth, and made me feel completely safe.

We had just made love for the first time. Which was a little overwhelming for me as it was the most beautiful thing I had ever experienced.

No bruises, no scars, no pain. Just love.

"Are you okay? I didn't hurt you did I?" Dan asked and sat up quickly, putting his hand on my back.

I shrugged my shoulders as I felt more tears spill from my eyes. He helped me sit up gently and pulled me into a soft hug.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I-I'm sorry," He repeated a few times while wiping my tears away with his thumb.

I was too choked up to speak, my ragged breathing turning into small sobs. I clung to him, hiding my face in his shoulder as I cried. He rubbed his hand on my back as I let it all out.

It wasn't hard to tell that he blamed himself, by how many times he anxiously apologized for hurting me.

"N-No. I-I'm okay," I choked between sobs.

He pulled away, looking me in my teary blue eyes, "You're okay?"

I nodded, staying silent as I tried to take some deep breaths.

"I didn't hurt you?" He asked once more.

I shook my head.

He sighed in relief and hugged me once more, my sobs settling into uneven breathing and hiccups after a few minutes of being in his arms.

"I love you," I replied once I could speak again.

He smiled and pulled away but kept his hands on my sides, "I love you too."

I didn't exactly know why I started crying. My best guess was because it was the first time I actually enjoyed being intimate. It was all so much to handle at once.

"I'll be right back, okay princess?" He said and kissed my forehead.

I nodded as he got up and went to the bathroom. I heard the water running, so I assumed he was taking a quick shower. I should do the same.

Sex always terrified me.

I was on birth control and we used a condom (at least Dan did anyways), so there wasn't much to worry about.

But there was always that small chance that the condom could break, and birth control isn't a 100% guarantee either. But with all the unprotected sex I've had with Lance, it's a surprise that I haven't gotten pregnant or some sort of disease.

I laid down on the bed and closed my eyes. Thoughts running through my mind as I tried to relax. But somehow I just couldn't settle my anxiety. Technically I was no better than Lance right now.

Having sex with other people? What was I thinking? I was never actually going to have sex with Lance.

And after Dan, I don't think I ever could go back to Lance. I knew what I had to do, and I had to do it soon. Before anything happened to Dan.

I heard a knock at the door. I knew it could only be one other person.

I sighed and quickly got myself dressed. Even if it was just in Dan's hoodie and a pair of his boxers, it was something at least.

I still heard water running, so I guessed Dan was still in the shower. I walked down the hallway to the front door, putting my hand on the handle and turning it slowly.

I looked through the crack in the door to see who it was. Suddenly all of my anxieties flooded back into my head. Why did I open the door anyways?

I cursed to myself quietly as I seen a familiar man standing in the hallway.

Was it too late to back out?