Jam & Jelly

Rejection

Chapter Two: Rejection-

(Kaen's POV)

Rejection: 1. the dismissing or refusing of a proposal, idea, etc. 2. the spurning of a person's affections.

It was safe to say that one of my biggest fears was rejection. At heart, I knew that I was far too sensitive and took a more buoyant, yet dependent, approach to things. To me, it was a lot easier to find the good in other people rather than yourself. I've come to live by that now. I've grown closer to some people within the last few years; a selected group of friends, my cousin, my girlfriend. But I've grown more reliant on them as well. I wasn't very independent or self-determined. Hell, I'd rather sit and do absolutely nothing with someone than do it alone. But it wasn't necessarily a bad thing; if you ever needed me I would be there and if someone laid a finger on you I wouldn't have a doubt about chewing their ass out about it.

To say I was protective was an understatement; and that's of anybody I'm close to. To say I was a hot-head was also an understatement. And that, mixed with the fact that I liked to try and convince myself I couldn't give a rat's ass about what anyone thought about me, didn't exactly make me the most 'pleasant' thing to get into an argument with. But again, who says that's a bad thing?

     I convinced myself that it wasn't, not all the time anyway. I would always fear of losing Ellie and I would always defend her. She and I had these inside jokes about America and their gun laws and how I just had to protect her. But at any cost, big or small, I knew I would; even if I did just give a smart ass reply back.

     It was after talking around in circles with Ellie the first night she came home I realized that all of this was true; that I wanted her as mine but most of all I wanted her safe and happy. She had her arms around my waist and she ran her thumb in tiny circles over my hips while she kissed delicately at my neck. I could tell she knew I was drifting off to sleep because she began to whisper softly into my ear how much she loved me and how she'd always be here for me. She made me feel loved and anodyne and I couldn't help but fall asleep in her arms right then and there; because there, in her arms, rejection didn't exist.

(Flashback: Kaen's Perspective-)

>"I need to make sure you're ready for this, that I'm ready for this. Are you sure you want this?">

     I wasn't quite sure how to take it all really, did she even want this? But what was this? I had only known Ellie for a short time and that was over via messaging.

>"I'm not going to be able to hold you Kaen; you're not going to be able to hold me. I won't be able to touch you or go on cute dates with you. It's not going to be normal or easy. You're going to want out, I'm a wreck.">

 I sat there, last I knew we were having an innocent conversation about her huge, stuffed teddy bear she named Ron. What an awkward name for a bear right? But it was cute because she had named him after her grandfather and that meant the name had value so, therefore, I couldn't hang it over her head for long. Not to mention I had a huge, stuffed frog that I named Freddy. Freddy?

She was teasing me, saying that I was jealous of Ron because she was snuggling with him in bed. I replied honestly, saying that I would much rather want to be in her bed than mine and maybe I could be a better snuggle buddy than him. What? I could. He's just oddly named bear.

That's when it got serious and she asked if I really did want to be in Australia right then. Of course I did; there was a beautiful, amazing girl I had talked non-stop with for the past two and half weeks there, lust or not, I wanted to be with her.