Healing ✔

Chapter 19

Sara

I splash water on my face wiping away the traces of my breakdown from yesterday. My eyes were slightly swollen but that was okay because I could easily cover it up with some makeup.

I really couldn't remember the last time I had worn makeup other than the day of my Walima. The Walima just felt so long ago just to think about it.

I grab my makeup bag and walk back into the bathroom.

Today I was just going to be the strong girl I had been wanting to be. I was not going to let myself break into pieces. I had to be better than that. Stronger.

I make the final touches to my cheek bone and decide I was looking better than when I had woken up.

Placing everything back I went back to make my bed but when I get there It's already made.

Zach was casually sitting on the couch reading a book which I found strange. Because I hadn't expected him to be the type.

When he realized me standing frozen by the door he quickly set back his book and stood.

"Err how are you?" He asked rather awkwardly scratching the back of his head.

I continue to just stand for a moment longer before heading to my wardrobe. "Fine." I say lacking any emotion. It felt that I had experienced all the emotions in the world yesterday that today I woke up numb.

"Good. I was worried about you last night." He tries to sound sincere.

"Okay." I say in a neutral tone grabbing a few clothes and a scarf and rushing back to the bathroom.

When I finally come back out of the bathroom Zachs book was back in his hand but he didn't seem to be reading it in fact he was just rolling the pages around with his finger.

He looks to me and our eyes connect by accident. "Did I do something wrong?"

I look away immediately and begin tidying up my dresser. "Of course not." I say in my dried up tone that was matching my drained out energy. The words hadn't come out the way I had intended them to and regretted it just a little. I was hoping to just have this day to be alone so I could sort the mess out in my mind that had formed up in a matter of minutes from just a single picture.

A picture I had unexpectedly found.

"What's that suppose to mean?" I hear him get up.

I don't bother replying and when I turn around he is right behind me. I don't jump back like usual and instead hold it together.

"Can you tell me why you are avoiding me?"

"I'm not avoiding you Zach." I breathe trying to steer around him but he blocked me in one smooth step. Had he already forgotten our rules? "Zach your too close." I tell him.

"No Sara, this isn't close enough. I'm standing 2 ft away." He tells me eyes trained on me.

I don't look to him and look to the ground instead. I was slightly getting annoyed but then I knew my actions were annoying him too. My behaviour was different today because I had decided to be more independent. I could tell he had caught on to the change of my behaviour right away as he was good at that. I try my best to not let yesterdays events surface back up -And I don't mean the events of Spain and or the meltdown but, what had happened during the flight back.

I sigh seeing the hurt in his eyes. I didn't want to disobey Allah yet I didn't want to talk to Zach. I was somewhat angry that he had left me yesterday without a word and I couldn't help the frustration every time I looked at him.

"What do you want Zach?" I fold my arms.

"I want to know why you are avoiding me?"

"I'm not avoiding you." I roll my eyes.

"Don't lie Sara. Actions speak louder than words." His voice suddenly steel-like.

"Okay!" I admit rather annoyed. "So what if I am avoiding you? What is it to you? This is how it's been Zach. This is how its always been." I remind him referring to the boundaries we have always kept.

Zach takes a look at me and I avert my eyes as soon as I see his. I really didn't want to know what was going through his mind. All I wanted to was to get away from him.

A mixture of emotions ran through his face.

"So you hold my hand like your life depended on it lean on my shoulder the whole flight and forget that the minute you come back?"

I frown.

"Okay now you've just lost me. What has that got to do with anything?"

"We were finally making progress. And now you decide to take a step back?" His voice is accusing. He had unintentionally taken a step forward. A step I had noticed right away.

"Zach..." I back up slowly closing the inch behind me.

"Why are you not letting yourself improve? Why are you not letting yourself move forward? Why can't you just let me help you? I can't even give a proper report to your dad every time he asks." His attempt to hide his frustration showing in his voice.

"You report everything to my dad?"

"Oh come on You know this is my job too" My tactic of changing the subject failed miserably. His frustration only seemed to increase. My attempt at being a better person was proving to be harder than I had thought.

"Exactly. That is what it is. A job. Just a job. We both know after this ends we will no longer be staying side by side married. So let's not let it become anything more than just that."

Zach stood posture straight as he sometimes did usually. It must be something he picked up during training. His eyes spoke a million words but none that I could understand. He just kept his gaze on nothing but me. Maybe he was struggling to not get angry or even throw me into some wacky karate chop position, but who knew what he was thinking. I couldn't care less. We both knew we drove each other to insanity.

"I made a promise to do everything that a husband should. To give you the best treatment that I possibly can."

"Too bad. That ones already broken." I blurt and move quickly around him but not before seeing a new look on his face. A wounded expression. I see him collect himself together and his energy around him changes. It was clear what he was trying to do. He was trying to avoid any further argument.

"I know we didn't get off to a good start but let me fix this. I know I can do this."

"You make it sound like it's so complicated."

"What's so complicated?"

"Keeping our relationship, Being a good husband. You make it sound like you are deactivating a bomb."

He turns his head. "I wish I was." He mutters under his breath.

"I heard that." I say out loud.

"Sh..." He suddenly stops in his track afraid of me.

My eyes widen.

Was he just about to swear? He knows I can't stand people that swear.

I want to give a threatening glare but then remember my new plan. I was simply going to act unbothered. This was my new strategy. I simply walked across and out the room.

A/N
AssalamuAlaykum. I hope that each and everyone of you is in the best of health and Imaan In Shaa Allah.

Another quick update. How cool am I? 😎 haha.

Just kidding.

Okay so I am really not liking this chapter and now reading through my story I can't help but cringe. It almost makes me want to take it down 🙈.

Ugh.

But I'm still going to go through with it haha just to see where this story goes.

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Peace x