i tried to kill myself..

part 1

it was the 14th of febuary 2017, valentines day.

i'd placed an order for a friend to get a teddy bear and she'd done the same.

valentines day being the day of love and all that bullshit, i was expecting something that wouldn't come; a singagram or flowers or lollies or a bear from my crush.

sadly they never came. i spent the whole day waiting for the present to come, it didn't.

all the couples at my school looked so happy and i guess i just wished that i could have that to.

about a week before this i was diagnosed with depression and given medication to take.

at the time i was crushing on a boy who happened to be my best friend, we were so close and i'd watched him all day waiting for something to happen, nothing did.

finally in last period the gifts came around, i just so happened to be in french at this time and i was sitting near some 'popular' people who had boyfriends and girlfriends.

first to come were the roses, some got over 20 roses from their loved ones, i remember looking at the beautiful red flowers on the desk of a fellow classmate. wishing that they might be mine, sadly there were no roses to come for me.

it was around 2:30 and class finished at 3:10 when a boy a couple years older than me came into the class holding a small brown teddy bear with a little wool rose in its arms. i took the bear and sat it infront of me next to my pencil case, everyone wanted to see who sent it. although i knew i secretly wished that he was the one that sent it.

now i know this sounds selfish but its what i was feeling.

earlier that day i was in trouble from my maths teacher for talking to a friend who was explaining what was going on in class. it was a small thing but i have depression which made the situation over exaggurated.

my day was partially ruined by the events that occured.