My True Colors

It's just a dream

   "I want to die."

   "Why?"

   "Because there no point in being alive. No God. No purpose. I'm only living to survive, but what's the point in that? We all die in the end anyway and even if there was a heaven why would I want to live after this? Especially if it was a perfect life for the rest of eternity. Who would want to live for eternity? Especially if it was a perfect life. Isn't what makes life interesting it worth living is the struggle."

   "Obviously you've had strugggles so why dont you use those to push you?"

   "Because it's too many struggles and they're too hard...if there is a God I would like to punch him in his perfect jaw. If he 'loves me so much' why would be put me through this? To test my faith? You would think after the first few times he could have stopped. But that's not the problem here because there is no God, the world is just horrible. There's no reason to send me to hell, I'm already here."

   "There are plenty of great things about the world."

   "Its like people expect me to live off of those few things. It doesn't matter I've never had many good things handed my way. No matter what you say I still want to die."

   The darkness began to fade away and cold white tiles emerged from the shadows. But as soon as it was there it was covered again. Stained with red.

   The darkness engulfed me again.

   "I don't like opening up."

   "Why is that?"

   "Because they continue to ask questions over and over but once you're done talking they don't understand to stop. So you pour a little bit out but keep the rest. But they want to know more because 'they care' and 'they just want to help' but you spent all this time bottling everything up that's just not posible. So they push and push and push untill that bottle that's packed full is knocked over and everything falls apart and you cry and cry and they just keep asking why. 'What's going through your mind?' 'Please tell us what's wrong.' 'Just talk to me!'. But I don't want to talk! I just want to be left alone. Just let me pick up the mess you've made. I can deal with this on my own the same way I did before. I was fine on my own before."

   The darkness despanded again and I was back in that 'room'. That wretched room. As always I was sitting in my corner away from the bed and the door opened. I didn't bother to look. I knew it was him. He grabbed me and pulled me forcefully over to the bed. I didn't bother to fight like I usually did. "Please don't." He looked at me and let go but I didn't hit the ground, I kept falling. I tried to grab the sides of the walls but it was no use my finger nails ripped off and my finger tips were torn to shreds. I hit the ground and once again saw only black.

   A hand reached down to me from the darkness and I took it. It pulled me up into a familiar room. The main room. I looked and saw Sara. I pulled her in to hug her but she fell to the ground, her wrists slit open and her eyes red. Her face was drained of color and her blood soaked the white tiles. She pulled me in and whispered ''This is your fault." She breathed and I was pulled away, screaming.

   I sat up right and pulled the blanket to my chest. My sweat made my clothes stick to my body. "It was just a dream." I breathed out "Just a dream."