My True Colors

Harder than I thought

"Scarlet?" I heard Evan say. He couldn't see me but I could see him. "Scarlet where are you?" He asked, worridly. 'Under the bed', I thought. I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I watched his feet as he hurried away. I could hear his footsteps lead to the end of the hall to the bathroom and in my head I could hear his knees hit the ground and his shallow sobs. But there was no body there for him to cry over. So he went too his room and I felt my phone vibrate. I picked it up from beside me and looked. He knew me a little too well.

'Scarlet?'
'Yes?' I heard him sigh in relief from the other room.
'Are you ok?'
'Yeah, I'm fine.'
'Where are you?'
'I'm fine, I just want to be alone'
'Tell me you're at least in the house'
'Yeah'
'Ok, I'll leave you be. I won't be here when you come out though, I have to go to work'
'Ok'
I heard him gathering the last of his things, pet Broody, and leave.
'Drive safe'

I put my phone down again and rolled to the end of the bed, reached up and pulled my blanket back under with me and turned to face the wall. I felt like I was still stuck in my nightmare. I was waiting to wake up and be back in my bed, back at the help center. I could be with Sara again and my therapist. But I'm still stuck here, under my bed, alone.. My door creaked open and I turned to see what it was. Maybe I was still in my dream. Please dont be Sara.

Once I was finally turned around my nose was met with another, wet nose. I screamed and pushed myself against the wall. Looking once again, I saw Broody. I didn't realize I was tense untill my body relaxed and I reached out to touch his soft fur. I scratched behind his ear. His goofy face and tounge sticking out made me laugh. How could I be scared of something so cute?

I pushed myself towards the wall again so as to give him room to come under with me. He swung his tail back and forth and began draging himself under the bed with me. He turned his back to me and layed on his side. I rested my arm on his side and pressed my face against his soft fur. I'm not sure how long I was there with him but eventually I fell asleep having gotten no sleep that night.

I woke up to the front door being shut and Broody hurrying to go see who it was. I laid there for a moment longer before reaching for my phone to check the time. I had been asleep for three hours and it was now eleven. I got up when I heard a crash from the living room and Broody wimper. For such a big dog he was a scardy cat. I watched from the door of my room as Emily stumbled around the living room and attempting to pick up the broken pieces of a vase. With Aunt Susan at work so much lately she would go out and not bother to come back for awhile but when she did come home Evan usually yelled at her. I often just stayed in my room whenever she was home. She reminds me of my dad or at least what I can remember of him.

I heard her mutter a quiet "Shit." and stuck her finger in her mouth. She must have cut herself. She turned around to throw away the pieces and saw me leaning against the door frame. She paused for a moment and walked over- rather stumbled over to the trash. She threw the pieces in and then her head. I swiftly walked over to hold her hair back for her. Her blonde curls were damp from the rain outside and she reeked of alcohol and cigarettes. She stood up again only to make her way to the floor and sit down. I walked over to the kitchen and got her a glass of water and some pills.

Coming back out of the kitchen and giving her the water, I got a closer look at her face. Granted her makeup was usually smeared everywhere but today it looked especially horrific; she had been crying. She quickly popped the pills in her mouth and chugged the water. Standing up again she pulled a box cigarettes and lighter out of her purse and headed to the porch.

I went back to my room, grabbed my phone and went back to lie on the couch. I texted Evan.
'Emily's home'
'Is she drunk?'
'Yeah and she's smoking'
'Ok. I'm sorry you're home alone with her, especially drunk.'
'It's ok. She looks like shes been crying'                                                    
'Really?'
'Yeah'
'Oh..ok. If you could please try to sober her up before mom comes home? Please'
'Yeah, no problem'
'I'm really sorry Scar'
'It's ok'

I stared at the conversation for a minute before pulling up solitary. I played solitare while waiting for her to get back. My attention was brought back to the door when I heard it open and a loud thud following it. I shot up and saw Emily lying on the floor a small pool of blood next to her face. She triped on the steps. Quickly getting up, I helped her sit up. She let go of one of my hands and reached up to felt her lip "Son of a bitch." She muttered looking at her finger tips that were now covered in blood. Her adrenaline quickly wore off and she yelled out for a moment before her hand flew up to her face to hold her nose which was also covered in blood.

I let go of her hand and took a step back trying to breathe. Memories of my past started to flash through my mind and images from last night made me take a step back. I began to cry so I closed my eyes and took three breaths in and out. I clenched my fists and pushed them against my thighs. I took three more deep breathes and let my hands relax. Opening my eyes again I saw Emily looking right at me. She whispered "What's wrong with you?" And them even quieter she asked "What's wrong with me?" She shook her head and began to cry.

I walked over to her and helped her up off of the ground. Pulling her into a hug she rested her head on my shoulder, her blood dripping into the floor and on my shirt. She reminded me nothing of my father right now. I pulled her away and walked her to the kitchen. Pulling out a wash cloth, I wet it and gave it to her. Pulling out another I did the same and walked to the front door to wipe up the blood. Broody came over and nudged his head under my arm so I would pet him. I giggled, ruffled his fur and got back up to rinse the cloth.

Emily sat in the kitchen chair and watched me as I went back again to clean up the rest of the blood. I hung the cloth on the edge of the sink after rinsing it and got another glass of water for her to drink. She took the glass from me and wiped her face with the cloth again. Not that it proved to be much help because the blood just began to drip down again. She sighed and walked towards the bathroom. "I'm taking a shower" she said, her voice soft. I heard the door to the bathroom shut and I made my way to my room. I crawled back under the bed and wrapped my blanket around me. Once more, sleep took over.

I woke up again to my door being opened and I saw Emily's feet at the door and suddenly her face was on front of mine. Her wet hair hanging down. "What the hell are you doing?" She asked. I shrugged my shoulders. "Oh my god you're so weird." She said pulling her head back up. I pushed my self out from under the bed and sat on the ground, looking at her.

She paused for a moment fiddling with her fingers and the sem of her robe before asking "How did you do it? How did you get over all those men...touching you in such ways..?" She hung her head, playing with her hands. I flinched at her words and hung my head "It was harder than I thought it would be..." I replied, it was the first words I had said all day. She raised her head and looked at me her arms falling to her sides. "I still have nightmares and I have a lot of triggers but..I have an amazing friend." I paused, thinking about Sara. "And..coming back here really scared me but I know people support and believe in me and I know I'm safe now." I said. She noded and looked down at her feet again and stood there. I wasn't sure what she was doing so I opened my mouth to speak but I noticed tears on the floor. I looked up to her face right as she wiped the tears away. She drew her hand down again, looked at me, smiled with tears in her eyes. "Thanks" she whispered and walked away. I saw a bruise slip out from under her robe on her thigh as she hurried away.

My eyes widened and a gasp slipped from my lips as I heard her door close just down the hall. I scrambled to get off the ground and rushed to her door. I stopped in front of her door and hesitated. What am I supposed to say? Tell her it'll be ok? If I think what happened really happened...I can't say that...I know what it's like and it's not...ok. Or maybe...I'm wrong, its not what I think it is. I'm just over thinking. I don't want to say something dumb...I should just go.

Just as I turned to walk away I heard a sob on the other side of the door. I turned back to the door and pushed all my nervous thoughts away. Raising a fist I lightly knocked on the door and the crying stopped.