Smile Flower ❀ Soonhoon

4 | Day by Day / Haru Haru

- 4 ♡ Day by Day / Haru Haru

Leave and never look back,
Don't look for me and live your life,
Because I loved you once and I have no regrets,
Only the take good memories of us,
I can somehow bear it,
I can somehow stand it,
So you have to be happy as I'm like this,
I become dull day by day.

╟ ♥ ╢

The first fight Jihoon and Soonyoung had after Jihoon was admitted to hospital was definitely one of the worst. There was yelling and crying, and Soonyoung was kicked out of the ward for disrupting other people. Neither men had ever felt or looked so hurt in their lives, and even the nurses were worried for Soonyoung going back home alone and used an emergency contact to get a friend, Jeonghan, to pick him up from the hospital.

Neither of them knew exactly why they both got so angry so quickly, but they did and it was awful. It was just a moment of stupidity from them both, that ultimately resulted in suffering on both ends.

"So how was-" Jihoon went to speak up, but Soonyoung cut him off with a curt nod of his head. It was certain to say that the younger man was, indeed, slightly hurt, but he brushed it off as him being irritating. After all, they'd been in silence for the last five minutes, and Jihoon knew all too well that working for an entertainment industry was a non-stop deal.

"Just be quiet." Soonyoung muttered, sighing in irritation and pinching the bridge of his nose. His face was a light shade of pink from rubbing it tiredly, and his eyes were hooded and halfway to closing altogether.

"O-oh. Yeah. Okay." Jihoon was disappointed. He'd been looking forward to seeing Soonyoung all day, asking another person in the ward called Wonwoo to help him think of things to say, ultimately resulting in a two page list and a newfound friendship.

"Thank god."

Jihoon sighed loudly, watching the November weather amuse him once again. Honestly, he wished he had a birthday in Summer, like Seungcheol, one of his friends, but alas, Jihoon had been born three months early and sicker than a mixtape. Well, if you called almost dying five times as being 'sick' anyway. Jihoon wished he did die as a newborn baby.

Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes as the nurses conversed quietly between themselves, before attacking his hand with a needle unannounced. He silently watched the metal slide under his skin before exhaling and turning back to the window.

Raindrops glided down the glass and dropped onto the white painted ledge, most likely accumulating as a puddle below. Jihoon decided to look there later and see of there really was a puddle. There had once been a time when a family of ducks had moved into a puddle by he and Soonyoung's apartment building, and the pair of them had gathered up cardboard boxes and escorted them to the park lake.

"What do you mean 'Thank God'?!" Jihoon screeched, louder than he wanted to be. "I've been sat here alone all day and when I want to say one thing you act as if I've been talking at you for the past ten hours!"

"It feels like you damn well have." Soonyoung snapped in response, eyes flickering dangerously at the younger, who was beginning to feel small, albeit slightly aroused. Something about the dominant and equally terrifying side of Soonyoung was hot to the small man, and he'd often found his thoughts wandering to it when he was alone or needy. "That's all you've been doing for the past days! I can't take your constant chatter, alright?!"

Jihoon found a small puddle of his own beginning to pool in his eyes, and blinked them away expertly. He'd gotten accustomed to hiding his real feelings around people he didn't know or trust, and at the moment there was no one he even knew around.

He concentrated on getting emotional relief by pulling all of his focus to making the needle in his hand painful, although the feeling of a paper cut was now gone, replaced by his body's natural way of numbing pain. The adrenaline, he thought.

"Well I can't put up with you being an ass! So get out, alright?!" Jihoon emphasised the 'alright' taking care to mock the elder over his own comment. He felt his temper boiling up inside of his small stature, and had the urge to set it right by using the razor. But here, the razor was out of reach and sight and he had therapy instead of suicide.

"Don't you fucking mock me you cut up piece of shit." Soonyoung retaliated, eyes widening when he realised what he had just said to his friend. "Wait.. no."

"I see. I see how it is Kwon Soonyoung. It's okay. I get it." Jihoon snapped, standing up to back his roommate out of the room in the most aggressive way he could muster. "Just mock me about my mental state when all I mocked you for was a flipping word."

"Crap. Jihoon, I'm sorry. It wasn't meant to imply that I-"

"Well what was it supposed to imply then?! Because you can't say 'cut up' to a boy with scars all over his arms!" Jihoon scolded, shouting now. Jae stuck his head around the door, eyes wide with shock.

"I said I'm sorry! I wasn't referring to your scars!" Soonyoung tried to defend himself. His eyes were clouded with tears and his voice was raised as well. There was a look of desperation on his features as Jihoon just shook his head in unfiltered disappointment.

"Get out."
"I SAID GET OUT!"

Jihoon leant his head back against the chair, eyes closed in sadness as he realised he may have just lost another fight, and another friend.

"I hate how much I love you Kwon Soonyoung."

╟ ♥ ╢