The Foundation of Silver

Chapter 4

Quinn and I grew close. After I thanked him for allowing my emotions to slowly seep through the cracks in my mind, every small gesture like holding my hand or giving me a reassuring smile made me feel comfortable and secure. I prayed that he knew that I he made my day easier, because god knows I don't show it. He's never seen my smile and though I saw his frequently I was still too lost to find the will to smile. One morning when we sat in the grass after breakfast, when the sun shook gently in the sky and the clouds revolved around it Quinn spoke up. "Olivia, do I bother you?" He spoke quietly gripping the soft grass with his free hand.

The sun stopped shaking for a moment while it waited for my answer I answered "No, never."

I shook my head. "Okay..." he drifted off. "Do I..." he paused not sure if he would regret the next words from his mouth.

"Go on." I whispered.

"Okay, do I make you happy?"

His words generally made me feel through my body, when I never thought I would feel again, but those words passed through me like a title wave of empathy. I felt sorry for a human for the first time in over two years. I knew in my hearts of hearts he didn't make me happy, nobody could. The medicine, Dr. Stephen, the environment, nothing. So I simply answered: "Nobody can do that Quinn.." He tore his eyes away from mine and dropped my hand. I reattached them and he turned his head towards mine. "But, you improve my day and I..." I drifted off, I meant to say that I cared for him, but I couldn't. It felt like something squeezed my vocal chords as attempted to speak.

It had been nearly a week since Quinn asked what he meant to me. My thoughts haven't been any easier on me since then, eating away at me . I began to feel again, which in any other circumstance this would be considered an achievement, but feeling these emotions also entails sadness. Sadness was an emotion I hadn't felt since my body had numbed itself.

"We're both 24, right?" He asked before I nodded. "Where did you grow up anyway?" Quinn asked drawing my attention from what was going on in my my mind. "Cold Springs, New York." I sighed "How about you?" I wanted to know, because I cared about quinn, but today I felt too abnormal to be comfortable.

"A large town about 30 minutes away from Seattle. It was called Redmond, Washington"Quinn slightly smiled. I nodded my head feeling a pang of sadness once again.

"So Olivia?" I snapped up and lent my attention to Dr. Stephen

"Yes?"

"Well how have you been today?" He questioned.

"Can I be honest?" I bit my lip not sure if exposing myself to him would be wise. I had never spoken to Dr. Stephen and so explaining my feelings felt like an uncomfortable jump.

"Thats what im here for Olivia." He spoke with a warm gentle smile.

"I feel as if..." I stopped.

"It's OK Olivia, take your time." I Inhaled and nodded.

"I've been empty for so long but now, I feel things," I exhaled

"Like what?"

"Sadness I guess" I answered simply, immediately feeling I had made a mistake. He looked down at his board with a shocked expression.

"Ok Olivia that's normal. You had renounced ownership of your body, it's normal to feel sadness when the numbing wears off and you gain control again.." He nodded "We can talk about that a little later, and see if anything has changed." He said quickly changing the subject, an hour later we had run out of time and I was dismissed.

I Headed towards my room feeling increasingly worse. Quinn was sat on his bed when I entered the room "Hi Olivia." he spoke with a small smile looking up from his book. "Hi..." I said quickly as I slid into the bathroom, to stare at myself in the mirror. Looking at myself is when I felt the most emotions. When I stared into my own eyes I felt that I knew myself the best. I put my hands on the cold vanity locking my elbows before lifting my head and staring into my green eyes somehow dulled from my condition. I could feel the pure upset in the way my eyes stared back at me.

I suddenly felt a shiver over my entire body and felt weak. I tore myself away and quickly exited the bathroom. My knees were locked and I was tense throughout, I don't know what I felt, but it was enough to change something in me. As I entered the general room I began to feel increasingly weak inside my own body. I found myself stood at the foot of Quinn's bed "Quinn?" I spoke so softly it was nearly inaudible.

"Olivia?" He looked up at me from his place on the bed. "Oh god what's wrong?" He said getting up.

He put his hands my shoulders and stared into my eyes as If he were trying to look for what was wrong. When I stared back, every emotion and tear I held over the years exploded. I felt myself collapse but before I hit the cold flooring it Quinn's arms caught me. Sobs racked through my body as he smoothed down my hair and told me it was okay. The last thing I heard before blacking out was Quinn's gentle voice "it's OK," he spoke "I love you."