Saturday.
It's been a week since ... it happened. I've had nightmares but I don't wake up screaming from them which is actually worse because its like I'm trapped in that one memory and I can never escape. It's horrible.
This morning Tim managed to sneak out of the house at 5:00 to go to training. Tim's parents and younger brother , Matt left to go skiing at 8:00. They left a note.
Left to go skiing. We'll be back at about 5:00.
:) - Lydia , Kurt , Matt
Luca woke up earlier than me for once , I congratulated him on this task. He didn't go skiing surprisingly even though it's part of his 'depression homework' as we named it yesterday.
"Why didn't you go skiing?"
"Because I was waiting for you"
"Why? I can't ski"
"So I could do this" he says hugging me then pulling away ever so slightly so he could lightly kiss me.
"Well now that that's done , you can go skiing"
"I don't know"
"Don't know what?"
"If I should"
"You have to. Besides I'll be watching you"
"How? You won't be able to tell who I am from here"
"Exactly! Instead I'll be going on a skidoo"
"Are you sure that's safe in your condition?"
"My condition?"
"Well yeah , I mean your injured"
"But not that badly"
"I'd love if you could skidoo up and down the hill with me ... but , I think you should go to the doctor , see exactly what your condition is"
"Do I have to?"
"Yes , Tim arranged an appointment. He left a sticky note on my forehead"
"Ugh! So many appointments!"
"You've had 2 and you've only gone to 1 so far"
"Fine!" I say as I quickly pull on my tan Uggs , plum Canadian Goose bomber jacket , garage mittens and roxy beanie.
"Your beautiful!" he shouts as I storm out.
I kind of regret just storming out of the house like that because Luca failed to mention that the appointment wasn't for another 2 hours. Frankly , I'm already bored not to mention that
waiting at the doctor's office is the worst. You are basically in a confined room with people who are sick , pregnant , or little kids there for their regular check up who pick they're slimy boogers and spread them everywhere. No I'm not msyophobic. But isn't it just gross?
"Natasha Mayr" a short brunette nurse in a lilac scrub calls from the doorway.
I immediately stand up and try walking quickly and casually into the hall way of doors.
"This room right here" the nurse says pushing the door of the third room on the right.
'Thank - you" I say as I walk in and she closes the door.
About 1 minute later the doctor walks in.
"Hello Natasha!" Dr. Nelson says.
"Hi" I say quietly.
"And what are you doing here on this fine day?"
"Tim set up this appointment for me. I'm sure you heard of what happened and apparently I got hurt pretty bad so , I guess I'm here for an explanation"
"Ok! Well let's start with the x - rays that the hospital sent me yesterday"
"X - rays?"
"Oh yes you must have been unconscious when the took them!"
"Oh"
He placed the 5 x - rays up on the x - ray - viewing - thing - that - I'm - sure - what - it's - called.
"This one here is your back" he says pouting to the first one "it's fine just a little bruised"
I nod , though I didn't really notice.
"This is your right knee" , he points to the next one , "same with the lat one , not fractured or anything just badly bruised"
"Ok"
"This is your left knee" , he points to the third , "there is a very , very small fracture"
My face must have shown my rage , disappointment and fear because he continues.
"It's hairline thin and will heal on it's own , in about a month it should be completely healed just try to avoid skiing , gym class and moving your knee a lot" he pauses and points to the second last. "This here is your right ankle , there is only bruising". He then points to the last one. "This is your left ankle" he points to an odd part of the x - ray that doesn't look the same as the last one "there's bruising of course and again a hairline fracture. But there is also a bone defect" he says tapping the x - ray where his finger is.
"Ok. First off , how can you tell that there's bruising from an x - ray? And second what's a bone defect ? And can it heal on it's own like the fracture?"
"Well the hospital sent me a document along with the x - rays saying you had bruising and a bone defect is when you chip a bone which is the minor version or in your case the major version in where a chunk of bone nearly chips completely off and moves out of place. No it can't heal on it's own but it can heal with a little bit of surgery where we place some pins in your ankle putting the bone back in place. Bone defects usually occur after some sort of other injury to the same ligament. But yours isn't a usual case"
Stay strong.
Stay strong.
Don't give in to the tears.
It's not the end of the world.
I'll get through this.
Right?
Life is like a bicycle to keep your balance you have to keep moving.
But I can't ride a bicycle.
The best is yet to come.
Some of us think that hoping on is what makes us strong but sometimes it is letting go.
To feel true joy you must feel true misery.
But I don't want to feel misery at all.
This is more than misery.
This is torture.
My best friend died.
I can't ski.
Can't bike.
Can't hike.
Can't run.
Can't do gym.
Can't
Can't
Can't
That is all my life is made of right now.
Can't.
Can't handle this.
YOU ARE READING
Letting go
Teen FictionNatasha a 14 year old girl has just lost her best friend to a tragic accident. With her other friends Tim and Luca , together they tackle the monster that is grief. "I'm a mess. There is no other way to...