Letting go

Chapter 9 : Heartbreak

Chapter 9 : Heartbreak

Broken.

That's what I am.

Broken , like a wingless bird.

I'm broken like a shattered china vase , you can try to piece me together with glue , but it'll never be the same.

I don't remember much except that I was mad and stormed out of the cafeteria , looking for Luca. I searched most of the small school then gave up and went to my locker. I pulled my ski jacket on because I keep both in my locker (my Canada Goose one and my North Face one). I pulled my snow boots on and walked to my house put snow pants on and ski boots and got my ski poles and skis and left the house. That's all I remember but I must have been going to the ski hill even though I have 2 fractures and a bone defect. But I guess I was mad. Mad at Luca for leaving me with all those people , mad at Jack and Kathy , mad at everyone who stared , at Taylor for dying , at Dr. Peters for making me go to school , at god for thinking it was Taylor's time to die , at the world just because it's where it all happened , at the stupid 100th chair and it's crappy bolts.

I adjust my back on the pillow. Where am I? What happened on the ski hill? Did I fall off the chair?

Luca walks in slowly and quietly.

He sits down on the spinny wheely chair and rolls it over to my bedside.

"What happened?" I croak , my voice raspy from my dry throat.

"You were skiing with only a beanie and goggles , no helmet. You hit a tree apparently. Must have gone out of control. Though , I'm not really sure how you managed to do that considering you've been skiing your whole life" he quickly explains , leaving us in an awkward silence.

"I was mad"

"I ... I know , I shouldn't have left ... not without you ... I .. I'm , I'm sorry .... I really really am I just .... I had to get out of there it was too ... too ... I ... I just don't .... I don't know anymore ... I ... I'm sorry" he stutters , trying to explain himself.

"I wanted to get out of there as well" I say as loud as I can without the nurses hearing (assuming from Luca's story I'm probably in the hospital).

"I know! I know you did ! I know! It's just ... shit! You were always the strong one ... always brave always fought through it always ... always there! Without you I get thrown off balance ! And without Taylor and without out you I have no one! Nobody ... nobody like you! Or like Taylor!" he talks just as loud as me.

"What are you talking about! Damn it Luca , can't you see I'm still here!? This is me! You think I don't get thrown off balance!? Because I do! I do , Luca! I get thrown off all the time! Even when I was brave and strong! I always fight! But I don't want to fight anymore." I say calming down into a normal voice at the end.

"Your still here? Show me! Show me the girl who is always strong and brave , The girl who would never hit a tree , attempt suicide or be afraid of death , of anything! Where is she? Where

Is the girl who didn't care about stares as long as she was happy and enjoying herself , the girl who was smart , nice , caring , loving , brave , show me her! Show me the girl I fell in love with." He started it like me and ended it quietly , got up and started to leave.

"Show me the boy who'd never say that first"

He stops dead in his tracks and turns ever so slightly.

"Tell her I said bye" he says , referencing to the girl I supposedly was before.