Starving; A Sherlock Fanfic

Helpless

John's POV

After breakfast, we went about our day as normal, despite the tension that hung in the air. Sherlock was sitting in his chair, with his head dangling over one side and his legs over the other, probably in his mind palace. He hand bandaged his hand messily after he realized it was bleeding from punching the countertop. And I, as always, continued to type out my next blog post.
I didn't understand it, why he'd do that to himself. I mean, I understood why I just didn't understand... Why. He could've talked to me, or Lestrade, or Mrs. Hudson, or ever Mycroft! He had so many people who cared and loved him. So many people who admired him and looked up to him and everything he did. I knew the scientific side and everything, but not what on Earth made him decide to start doing... Everything.
Then of course you have the fact he tried to kill himself. Which again, confused me. I mean, he was wonderful and amazing and unbelievably smart, he was perfect in everyway. He could be surprisingly kind when he wanted to be, gentle when he needed to be and brave when no one else would've been. Everything about him was perfect, his mind, his body, his personality, and yet he tried to destroy all of that.
I didn't understand, but I remembered how bad I was when I got back from Afghanistan. I doubt anyone would've understood then either. But I... I'm not like him. I'm not smart, I can spell and everything but I'm not smart. There is nothing special about me, I'm normal, I'm boring, I'm nothing. There is nothing about me worth saving. But him... It's not even funny how incredible he is. And he doesn't even know it! He can change things... I... I just can't. Trust me, I tried. Sherlock Holmes, the most brilliant man on the planet, was destroying himself, and I didn't think he cared very much.
I still had questions...... Christ... Where do I even start... I need a drink. The worst part about everything is that I couldn't even do anything. He had asked me not to say anything, but how could I not? I mean I'd try, I promised that, but I have a life and a job. I can't babysit him!
... Maybe I wouldn't have to... But I doubt he'd like the alternative. I need to talk to him, in the meantime, I need some peace and quiet. Or as much peace as I can get.
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A/N

Hey all who put up with my inconsistency and tendency to disappear from social media accounts due to my depression, crippling anxiety and constant fear of not being good enough, I FINALLY UPDATED. That's right, I got my ass in gear and wrote even though I felt like shit and I'm terrifed of what you all think of me!